The other day, I opened up the fridge in my kitchen to get something to drink–like a glass of orange juice or sparkling water. I pulled the door ajar, and noticed an open bottle of Fiddlehead Cellars Sauvignon Blanc, flanked in between a container of milk and the Hershey’s chocolate syrup. I couldn’t help but wonder: what do my children (ages 16, 13 and 9) think when they search for a beverage and come across that green bottle, half full and stuffed with a cork?
The truth is, I don’t think they think much of it. And I’m glad they don’t. In our home, wine is enjoyed with food by my husband and me as much and as frequently as a mug of hot cocoa or a chilled glass of lemonade. My kids ask for the occasional taste, and we allow them, hoping that this may be the better–and more sensible–route to avoiding the “forbidden fruit” phenomenon.
On the other hand, they have come to realize–and we have openly discussed–the fact that their grandmother is an alcoholic. So, I assume there is some concern on their part when they see their mom and dad sipping away during most of our family dinners.
My great hope is that our model of moderation is something they are steadily absorbing. That they understand that it is possible–for many, but not all–to enjoy the fruit of the vine without getting drunk, plastered or addicted. They’ve seen a close family member in bad shape. And in some way, I’m not unhappy that they’ve seen it, because it perhaps shows them that when abused, drinking can lead them down a potentially tragic path.
So for the meantime, we’ll continue to leave those open and unfinished bottles of wine in our fridge (when my mother is not around, that is). And it’ll hopefully continue to be as mundane for my kids as a jar of mustard, a container of yogurt, a bottle of marinade, or whatever else they’ll find in there…
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Sometimes I wonder the same thing, as I pour a glass of red at 5:30 and my husband sends our daughter to fetch him a beer…but we do keep it civilized at home (it’s not like see us out doing shots and playing Quarters or something), so I don’t see the harm. If we demonized it or hid it, it would be more intriguing to them. In America alcohol is so taboo; we should treat it as they do in Europe, as a civilized part of life (well, for all the kids know). Just as when I have a Diet Coke, i tell them it’s a “grown-up drink.” Period.
Sounds like the fridge my own son grew up with. Good food for thought.
I really like the way you are handling this subject with you children… I know I joke about binge drinking a lot on my site, but I also have alcoholics in my family and the damage it can cause.
My parents raised me using the same tactics you are using and I think I turned out just fine… except for that whole “wine whore” thing!
Caren,
I found this blog via Leah and think it’s so interesting. Alcoholism is on both sides of the family (mine and my husband’s). Though my children are young, I’ve tried to discuss this with them a bit. I so appreciate your insights on how you handle the subject of drinking in your own home. Great post.
I know many that don’t drink in front of their children. That can go either way, hitting each extreme. My kids grew up with the neighborhood women sitting in lawnchairs in my driveway on late afternoons, watching them play in the yard while we had a couple glasses of wine. I worry about that!
Seriously, having alcohol problems on both sides of our family, my husband and I are tuned into this. That we need to pay particular attention to our own habits as we get older. Interesting website. Glad I found it.