From time to time, we will post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you.
Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is the author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay: And Other Things I Had to Learn as a New Mom and Naptime Is the New Happy Hour: And Other Ways Toddlers Turn Your Life Upside Down, which were based on her blog, “Baby on Bored.” On television, she acts as the go-to parenting expert for NBC’s “The Today Show” and has been featured on The Dr. Phil Show. Her third book out July 2009 is It’s Not Me, It’s You: Subjective Recollections of a Terminally Optimistic, Chronically Sarcastic and Occasionally Inebriated Woman.
Drinking Diaries: How old were you when you had your first drink and what was it?
Stefanie Wilder-Taylor: Like most young, 14-year-old girls, my first drink was of the classy variety: grain alcohol punch out of a random ninth grader’s bathtub. It took two red plastic cups before the room was spinning and one more before I passed out on a pile of coats (not before puking). That same night my best friend at the time ended up spraining her ankle falling down a flight of stairs. Naturally I continued drinking every weekend after that because drinking is so awesome!
How did/does your family treat drinking?
My parents were extremely normal drinkers–irritatingly so. I’ve only seen my mother tipsy one time and that was with me because I talked her into ordering a second “Cape Cod” at dinner out one night. She got giggly and fun yet refrained from ordering five more or making out with any random waiters–that’s more my territory. I will say that if my parents noticed that I drank too much they never once mentioned it. This could be that they don’t like confrontation or that they didn’t want to see it. I don’t think I’ll ever know.
If you have kids, how is the subject of drinking handled? Do you drink in front of them? With them?
I am an alcoholic. I quit drinking when my oldest daughter was four and my twins were around 16-months. My eldest used to be afraid of my glass because it was “mama’s juice.” I think she never associated my glass to any altered behavior so I didn’t mention it for a long time after I quit. I have recently explained to her that I have an allergy to alcohol and can’t have it. She associates that with her school friends who can’t eat peanuts. I allow her to believe it’s just like that because, hey, it’s cute. She knows that daddy can have alcohol because he’s not allergic–and plus, daddy never gets drunk and acts like an asshole.
Have you ever had a phase in your life when you drank more or less?
There have been times where I’ve drank less in my life but when I look back, I was usually doing something else that’s self-destructive–like having an eating disorder. My drinking was of the “get drunk once in awhile” variety but when I got drunk I almost always embarrassed myself. I’ve drank more in my life during most turning points: the beginning of my relationship with my husband, after having my first baby and after having my twins. Each life changing experience seemed to amp up my drinking a bit more until post twins I realized it was out of my control.
What about the worst time?
I don’t know if any drinking experience has ever been what I’d hoped it would be, but there have been some awful times. One that comes to mind is a first date with a guy I’d had a crush on for months. It started out so great, he came to my house to pick me up with flowers! I’d spent hours obsessing over my outfit and I looked amazing. I’d also not eaten anything for about a day and a half so my stomach would look as flat as humanly possible. Of course that didn’t bode well when I started in on the red wine at the restaurant and continued drinking it during a party we went to after dinner. The evening culminated with me sobbing over my childhood, ex-boyfriend and dead-end job and then puking in his car. I was dumb enough to get excited when he called the next day, but it was only to see how I was feeling. He never called again.
Do you have a favorite book, song, or movie about drinking?
If my husband reads this he will make fun of me for about a year but…I love the movie “When a Man Loves a Woman.” The Meg Ryan, Andy Garcia movie where she’s an alcoholic who goes to rehab. The reason I love it is because Meg Ryan hadn’t had plastic surgery yet. Kidding. Actually, it’s a great movie because unlike other Hollywood movies about drinking and rehab (that insipid Sandra Bullock movie called “28 Days” or something comes to mind) we see what happens after rehab. Meg Ryan’s character removes the alcohol but is now left chronically irritated and unable to relate to her husband sober. How she deals with that and reconnects with her kids is so realistic and well done. I think it helps that A) it was co-written by Al Franken who has dealt with this problem in his own life, and B) it has a kick ass soundtrack which includes Rikki Lee Jones’ songs.
What did you like most about drinking?
The thing I loved, loved, loved about drinking was the way I felt after a couple of glasses of wine. All the edges were smoothed out, I liked everyone around me just that much more, things seemed more doable. Drinking felt like an audible sigh. If I could’ve figured out a way to capture just that feeling every night, I would never have quit. I just couldn’t walk that line between slightly buzzed and asleep for more than thirty minutes. There was also the slight problem that I never felt like I’d had enough. If buzzed was good, drunk would be better and it never was.
Why do, or don’t you, choose to drink?
I choose to not drink because I have a lot to lose. I have a big full life with a lot of responsibilities and a lot of love. Sometimes I feel that by drinking the way I was, I took all these gifts and held them like pieces of paper over an open flame. My feeling is, when I look back I did all kinds of fucked up things when alcohol was involved, so given my history, I’m just a time bomb when it comes to drinking. I am just so lucky that I never lost anything, spoiled any relationships or hurt my children in any way, but I am not willing to wait for that. I haven’t had a drink in over ten months.
If you could be any drink, what would it be? Why?
If I could be any drink I think I’d be sake because I feel I go really well with sushi.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Yay! Stefanie likes When a Man Loves a Women. As a recovering alcoholic, I feel slightly cheesy about loving that movie. The strange this is, long before I drank, I felt strangely attracted to it (and not just because of my crush on Andy Garcia) Recently, after my husband asked how we can ‘fix’ me, I had in our Netflix queue faster than I could reply “WE can’t.” Thank you Stefanie, as always. Thanks Drinking Diaries for this interview.
Thank you for sharing more of your story. Always a pleasure to read.
I am going to print this interview. This is me, exactly, and explains me to a “T” (along with other comments/descriptions by her). Stefanie’s blogs and interviews are extremely motivating and helpful- making me feel not so alone, and not so out of the ordinary.