How to Market Vodka to Women, Courtesy of Van Gogh Blue

Ad execs don’t create their ads in a vacuum. They troll facebook, twitter, and even hold parties and focus groups to find out what women want (at least as far as drinking goes).

When researching their ad campaign for Van Gogh Blue vodka, the execs found Facebook groups such as O.M.G. I So Need a Glass of Wine or I’m Gonna Sell My Kids, which has almost 111,000 people who like it, and It Wasn’t My Fault, the Vodka Made Me Do It, with more than 217,000 people. (To that list, we would add Moms Who Need Wine–whose founder we interviewed–with over 273,000 members.)

So what did the Van Gogh Blue vodka team come up with, after all their research into their target audience, women—ages 25 to 44? The following ads (with messages provided by moi):

–A woman sits on a bar stool, sipping a cocktail from a martini glass . The headline: “Better a dry spell in men than a drought of vodka.” Another headline with the same image: “Women who don’t wear underwear never get their panties in a bunch.” MESSAGE: Van Gogh vodka is better than sex. Sexy, laid-back women drink Van Gogh vodka. No frumps here.

–A bottle of Van Gogh Blue. The headline: “She who gets the bartender’s number first wins. Unless of course there’s a hot DJ.” MESSAGE: Van Gogh drinkers are hot, and hot on the trail. Again, sex.

–A leggy woman holds a martini glass aloft. The headline: “I like my vodka straight but my friends can go either way.” MESSAGE: Van Gogh drinkers are open-minded, easy and free.

On Twitter, Van Gogh describes itself like this: “Come unbottled with the only triple wheat premium vodka that’s guaranteed to be smoother than most of the men you meet out at the bars. O.K., all.” MESSAGE: Van Gogh drinkers need men like a fish needs a bicycle.

I don’t know about you, but when I think of Van Gogh and blue, I think of loneliness, melancholy, solitude and the artist’s alleged dependence on alcohol.

That is probably the last image the execs responsible for the new Van Gogh Blue ad campaign want me to conjure up. But still, I do.

Their slogan, “You, unbottled,” is meant to evoke endless girls’ nights out with your buddies, girls’ nights so fun and rewarding, the pictures end up on Twitter and facebook, and you don’t feel ashamed! After all, you’re celebrating your “fun, silly, colorful side.”

Sure, many of us have enjoyed those wonderful nights. But–as anyone who has been addicted to alcohol knows–“You, unbottled” can be a dangerous thing.