My mom’s been sober for nearly forty years, without having a relapse (pretty amazing, right?)—but her perfect record is hardly typical.
The old thinking on recovering from an addiction was black and white. Relapse was seen as a catastrophe, according to Kathleen McGowan in her excellent article in Psychology Today, “The New Quitter.”
But there is a new psychology of addiction, according to McGowan—“the abstincence-only doctrines that once dominated the thinking about addiction have given way to a more flexible—and more forgiving—approach.
Why the shift? Studies have shown that relapsing is the rule, not the exception. If you hit a bump in your recovery, you’re not alone. “Up to 80 percent of alcoholics treated for a drinking problem will hit the bottle again at least once.” The number one predictor of relapse? Emotional stress—anxiety, depression or upset.
So what is the key to surviving relapse(s)? Look at backsliding as a chance to learn and an opportunity to develop better ways of anticipating, avoiding, or overcoming urges. See lapses as mistakes rather than defeat.
Here are some tips from the Pros:
–Learn to identify the situations that might push you into a relapse. What are your triggers? Meeting up with an old drinking buddy? Going to an office party, where drinking will be involved?
–Make a concrete plan to counteract or avoid the situations that might trigger a relapse. (Example: Plan your route so you won’t pass your favorite wine store, if that’s a trigger).
–Use a cognitive trick called “urge surfing”—mentally detach yourself from the craving by monitoring the way your desire builds and then recedes. Visualize your craving as a wave that rises and falls. Imagine riding the wave, rather than struggling against it.
–Cultivate a vivid memory of the past you are trying to leave behind.
–Develop meaningful life goals, which may have been forgotten or cast aside in the throes of addiction.
–Reconnect with things that give you pleasure, enjoyment, and meaning (Taking walks, taking a bath, whatever floats your boat).
–If you are in the throes of a life-threatening or mind-altering addiction, get professional help to understand your triggers and come up with a plan.
Most importantly, do something. According to McGowan, “People who use some kind of coping technique are 25 times more likely to resist the temptation than those who try to just gut it out.”
And finally: Give yourself a break. Recognize that “the work of kicking an addiction may never be fully complete.” The new thinking is that addiction is a chronic disease that can never be fully cured. Celebrate every day you keep yourself sober after a relapse. Little successes lead to big success.
