When I was pregnant–all three times–I drank the occasional glass of wine with my obstetrician’s blessing. I waited until the first trimester to indulge, and subsequently reveled in every last–albeit limited–sip.
It seems that many women, according to a recent article in the New York Post titled “I’m Drinking for Two,” continue to do the same despite the continual controversy. But what to do when you are faced with the almighty waiter, or bartender, who thinks they know best about you and your baby’s health?
I recently heard a story about a pregnant woman who was at restaurant and when she asked the waitress for a glass of wine, the waitress answered, “We don’t serve alcohol to pregnant people here.”
Needless to say, the customer was angry and wondered where this waitress got off telling her what she’s allowed, or in this case, not allowed to drink.
Why is that bartenders and waiters wield such great power in the world of consumption? I suppose it’s they’re the ones in control of all those bottles, glasses, soda fountain dispensers…and peanuts.
But when an obese diner orders an ice cream sundae for dessert, does the waiter suggest they go for the fresh fruit? I don’t think so.
I have a good idea how I’d respond to a waiter who thought it was okay to take those kinds of liberties.
But I’d be curious to hear what people think about that scenario—should pregnant women be able to order a glass of wine at a restaurant?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Absolutely. I like the analogy to the obese person. It’s absolutely the pregnant woman’s decision about what she wants to do with her body while pregnant. Everyone else should just butt out.
I don’t know about other states, but I know that in the state of KY, servers and bartenders are not required to refuse alcohol to pregnant women like they are underage or intoxicated customers. I learned this in a certification class full of other servers and bartenders. We were all surprised by it and the instructor’s response was, “You can’t always tell if someone is pregnant.” While there are legal ramifications for serving underage and intoxicated customers, service to obviously pregnant customers is only frowned upon.
I don’t know, I’m wishy-washy on this. The obese analogy makes it a little tricky, but I’d say that since I believe the AMA (or whatever it’s called) has said they don’t know what is the safe low limit on alcohol during pregnancy, restaurants & bars might just be covering their asses, liability-wise. Where if an obese person has a heart attack, they’d have a hard time proving it was the ice cream that did it, if that pregnant wine drinker gives birth to a baby with fetal-alcohol syndrome, she might try to go after anyone who served her alcohol in pregnancy. I know it doesn’t make sense if you live in a world of personal responsibility, but we live in a world where places pass trans fat bans. Do I think a pregnant woman should be able to order a glass of wine with dinner? Yes. Do I think that there are people who have no place to talk yet who love to pass judgment on pregnant women & mothers? Yep. [full disclosure: I chose not to drink alcohol during my two pregnancies, but as soon as my water broke, I had a nice ale!]
Personally, if I were a bartender I would NOT feel comfortable serving a pregnant woman alcohol. The idea that my decision as a bartender could potentially be between contributing to harming a baby and getting fired or sued is horrifying to me. Luckily, I am not a bartender. I am a health care professional though, and I know that even though 1 glass of wine probably isn’t going to harm the child, there is absolutely solid evidence that at some undefined point it causes Fetal Alcohol Syndrome- which can result in a number of debilitating and life-long conditions. In addition, I’ve learned from interviewing patients that an acceptable amount of alcohol (pregnant or not) varies A LOT, so a expectant mother could say she doesn’t drink much to someone who defines that as a glass once a month, but the mothers definition is a glass a day. In response to the question “How much do you drink?” (while addressing diabetic patients) those who respond “not a lot” have defined this to be everything from “a couple drinks a month” to “a 6 pack daily”. To me, a couple drinks a month isn’t much, but to an alcoholic who is used to drinking a case a day (24 beers), 6 every day isn’t much! So you can’t be sure, and it would be inappropriate to pry, so personally, I would rather not go there.
Back to the bartender: While I’m sure that some bartenders won’t have a problem serving a pregnant woman, others may have the same moral struggle that I would have. On top of that, they have no way of knowing how many drinks the pregnant woman has had prior to getting there, and at what point would it be ok for the bartender to cut the woman off- or should they keep serving as long as they are asked to (or until the woman is intoxicated enough to be able to legally refuse to serve her)? Of course they shouldn’t be telling these women what to do or judging them for their decisions, but you have to think about the moral dilemma they are presented with in this situation. For me, even if the woman assured me that she only has a glass every so often, I wouldn’t want to have that on my shoulders. I wouldn’t know if the woman was telling me the truth or not, and I wouldn’t want to touch that situation with a 10-foot pole! I know that the point is that it is the mother’s choice and it’s none of the bartender’s business, but the mother is involving the bartender by asking that person to serve her a drink- and if I were the bartender, I would not feel comfortable being a part of that.
Pregnancy requires that you change so many of your normal habits- work, diet, exercise, etc. Given the risk and severity of fetal alcohol syndrome, I just don’t understand why a pregnant woman would choose to touch alcohol. There is no benefit to drinking it during pregnancy (no proven evidence, like there is with fetal alcohol syndrome), and we know that the potential risk is very severe, so why not leave it alone? I will admit though that I am not a big drinker, so for me it’s not a problem to stop during pregnancy. With all of that said- if you are only drinking a glass of wine every now and then, why not enjoy it at home? It is inevitable, people will judge a pregnant woman holding any kind of alcoholic beverage- whether that be the server or people sitting close by- and I can’t blame them because they don’t know you and all they can think about is what it could be doing to the child. They don’t know that you only have a glass every so often, but they do know that fetal alcohol syndrome is very real. It’s one thing if you want to have your glass at a restaurant and you don’t care about the looks, but I think it’s a little ridiculous to expect them not to judge. It’s human nature (for most people) to protect children, and that is why they judge. I’m the kind of person, however, that can’t enjoy myself in that situation- and not so much because of the looks, it’s more because I would be thinking that everyone thinks I am a bad mom and would constantly feel the need to explain to everyone that I only have a small glass every once in a while. So, if I decided to enjoy a small amount of alcohol during pregnancy, I would be much more comfortable doing this in the privacy of my own home.
In conclusion to my very long post, this issue isn’t just about the rights of pregnant women to make their own decisions because when a pregnant woman decides she wants to enjoy her rare (but maybe not rare) alcoholic beverage at a restaurant, it involves bartenders or servers and their moral standards. I think the bigger issue is the liability they face if they do refuse to serve a pregnant woman alcohol because of their own moral standards and beliefs- Is it fair that they could be sued if they refuse?
obese people have the choice whether or not they are going to eat unhealthy food. When a mother consumes alcohol, she is not giving her baby the choice. That baby is going to take in the alcohol without the choice.
it is completely different.
It is nothing like the obese person ordering ice cream. That person is affecting their life and their life only. A pregnant woman is carry a child and that child needs to be protected. Would be ok with serving a glass of wine, maybe even two. However, anymore than that and I would not feel comfortable for two reasons. One, I don’t want to take a chance on that child developing fetal alcohol syndrome. Two, a bartender is responsible for a drunk getting into an accident if they didn’t cut them off. I guarantee there are women out there who would sue the bartender who served her alcohol and “caused” her child to develop fetal alcohol syndrome.