Recently, Caren & I were interviewed by Paula Derrow for Self Magazine online. In the interview, Paula asked us the insightful question—How has editing the book (Drinking Diaries: Women Serve Their Stories Straight Up) and doing the blog changed your own drinking habits?
As the daughter of a recovered alcoholic, I will always be vigilant when it comes to my own drinking—that’s just the way it is. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I will never have the carefree attitude towards alcohol that some of my friends and acquaintances have—one where they feel comfortable sipping a glass of wine while they’re cooking dinner every night, and then maybe having another glass with dinner.
So here’s how I answered Paula’s question:
“I’ve learned that you have to create a conscious drinking life. In my head, I have a contract with myself when it comes to drinking. Because I’m the daughter of an alcoholic, I don’t feel comfortable drinking alone during the week, say, while I’m making dinner. I also don’t do hard liquor. But I love to have a glass of wine when I’m out with friends or have people over to dinner. I had to set those boundaries for myself.”
Caren, on the other hand, comes from a different background, so her (unwritten) contract is entirely different from mine (and has involved alcohol-free Mondays, which she wrote about for this blog).
None of this is written in stone, or is written down at all. It is subject to change, although it seems to work well for me, so why would I change it?
Something I’ve learned working on this blog and on the book is that everyone has to navigate their own relationship with alcohol–it’s personal. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
We’d love to hear from you, dear readers: Do you have a drinking contract, written or unwritten, spoken or unspoken? What is it, and why did you make one?
I stopped drinking, entirely, in 2004. I did so because I was on a slippery slope, and I found it too difficult to decide each and every day whether or not I would have a drink. It’s just easier for me to not drink at all. After the first month of not drinking I haven’t really thought about it that much. And the benefits of not drinking have been awesome. Truly a gift that I’ve given to myself. Plus, I get to eat dessert now without worrying about the extra calories!
I recently challenged myself to give up drinking alcohol altogether. With a father who is a recovering alcoholic (30+ years) and a recent long-term relationship with an active alcoholic, I took a personal stand against it. I’ve seen it destroy people I care about and in light of that, I wanted to eliminate the pain it represented in my life.
That said, it is really difficult to give up a margarita when out at a Mexican restaurant! We’ll see how long this lasts…
Im just trying to sort a contract out with myself. I’d like to stop drinking alone, but enjoy a glass of wine when out for dinner etc. but, increasingly find being alone drinking makes me feel safer somehow. Like its my secret. I don’t want to have that kind of relationship with alcohol. I enjoy reading your diaries and thoughts and you’ve inspired me to kick my own butt and start again..my father was an alcoholic, you’d hunk I’d stay away from it altogether.
Sorry I made a mistake there, I meant to write ‘think’ not ‘hunk’ darn predictive text and misplt my email etc, sorry.
I keep making contracts / promises with myself to quit / cut down on my drinking, but I am sipping a glass of wine as we speak. It is so hard, at the end of a long work day and mothering to three wonderful kids, not to have a nice glass of wine. But that is not the problem with me. The problem is that one often leads to two or more. And now that my kids are getting older, I do not want to be a bad influence. I read your book already and I loved it!! I wish that I could speak about this with my friends as easily as I was able to read about all of your stories.