Which is safer, pot or alcohol? Which is “better”? If you had to pick, which would you prefer your teenagers to do—smoke pot or drink alcohol? The debate has been roaring, now more than ever, considering that legalization of marijuana (in small amounts) is on the table in Colorado. The ballot proposal is called “The Regulate Marijuana Like Alcohol Act of 2012.”

There’s even a site called saferchoice.org, which touts marijuana as the “safer” choice. Last I read, marijuana use was up among teens, and alcohol was down, but the pendulum always swings back and forth, back and forth.

So which is safer/better/preferable?

Is this the question we really should be asking? It’s not like alcohol’s going to swap places with pot and we’re going to go back to the days of Prohibition. By this time, alcohol is a given part of our culture, like tv and the internet.

I realize there are compelling arguments for the legalization of marijuana (supposedly no one has ever overdosed on pot; people get less violent when they smoke pot, not more, like they do when they drink; making pot illegal taxes our criminal justice system–you can find many of these arguments online), but still—Why add another drug to the roster of iffy life choices? Why make it easy?

And do we really want to add toker-moms and dads to the growing ranks of “cocktail moms” (and dads!)? Instead of sneaking into their parents’ liquor cabinets, teens could sneak into their parents’ pot stashes!  We don’t need to model another easy “check out of real life” option for our teens.

I’m familiar with the popular argument that if you make something forbidden, it becomes more attractive (see Prohibition), but I also think the converse is true: for some people, the fact that pot is illegal is a deal killer, enough of a deterrent to make them stay away. I know it is for me. I’m a mom of three, and I try to be a role model for my kids. Just the thought of my kids busting me doing something illegal is enough to make me steer clear of this popular suburban pastime. Or the thought of them watching me being handcuffed and carted away, calling after me, “Mom—why would you break the law?!” Maybe I’m just a killjoy, but still…And–full disclosure–maybe I’m biased, as the sister of someone who went to rehab after smoking a little pot led to smoking five times a day, which led to staying emotionally stuck at age 14 (as she’ll tell anyone who asks), which led to harder drugs. Alcohol has always been one thing; drugs, another. And there’s a line between the two that I wouldn’t want my own kids to cross.

At least now, people have to think twice before they light up. First, they have to deal with buying it in secret, and then they have to plan where and when to smoke it so they won’t get caught. This makes smoking pot a more conscious act, rather than a default behavior.

All behavior is healthier when it’s conscious, whether it’s eating, drinking, or whatever else. For example, when drinking becomes mindless bingeing instead of conscious consuming (think: having a great glass of wine to complement a meal), it becomes a slippery slope–a way to escape life’s problems rather than a means of enhancing the sensual experience of life.

Taking drugs has always been a counterculture choice, and that’s how it should remain: counterculture. That’s the allure, and that’s the deterrent. Make it mainstream, and you’ve opened up a whole other can of worms.

Do we really need to put another readily available, time-sucking  temptation in our children’s paths? I say, make it hard and you’ll save a lot of people from addiction and drug dependence.

Examining the effects of his pot-smoking days, memoirist Nic Sheff put it best on the website, The Fix, when he wrote: “For me, all these years later, I still suffer from all the fucking decades I lost to smoking pot. My emotional maturity is probably a little better than a 16-year-old’s (maybe)—but not a whole lot. I basically overreact to any kind of problem I have. And I definitely blame a lot of that on my years getting high.”

In the New York Times Room for Debate section, Brian E. Perron, an Associate Professor of Social Work at the University of Michigan, points to the need for further research on marijuana before we jump into fighting for legalization. He concludes that, “…an increase in marijuana use among the teenage population is not good, even if rates for more problematic substances are on the decline. Foremost, we are unclear of the long-term consequences of marijuana use on the developing brain of the adolescent. The potency of marijuana has also increased significantly over the years. Thus, along with an increased sensation of euphoria, we can expect an increase in its addictive potential. The research is also clear that early involvement with substances is associated with heavier use and a variety of other problems later in life. From this perspective, marijuana may be associated with fewer risks in comparison to other substances, but marijuana use does introduce its own set of known and possibly unexpected problems that are deeply concerning.”

That’s enough for me to hold my hand up and say, wait—what’s the rush?  Do we really need another readily available, commonplace drug?

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Each week, we post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you.

Letty Cottin Pogrebin is a writer, lecturer and social justice activist. A founding editor of Ms. magazine, she is the author or editor of nine books, most recently the novel, Three Daughters, and the memoir, Getting Over Getting Older. Her articles have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington post, The Nation, Huffington Post and dozens of other publications. She is a past president of the Author’s Guild. She lives in New York and is presently working on a book entitled, How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick.

Drinking Diaries: How old were you when you had your first drink and what was it?  

Letty Cottin Pogrebin: I had sips of Manischewitz kosher wine at Sabbath dinners and Passover seders from earliest childhood. But that was ritual wine and it tasted like grape juice so maybe it doesn’t count. First real drink I remember is the Brandy Alexander my father made for his friends at the bar in our “finished basement” in Queens. When I took a little sip, I remember thinking it tasted like a really yummy chocolate milk shake. He made it with brandy, crème de cocoa and heavy cream. I drank it in college when I couldn’t think of what else to order that wouldn’t make me sick. I hated Scotch Sours and Rye and Ginger, which was all anyone drank.

How did/does your family treat drinking?  

I grew up in a Jewish family in which food was the main event. Booze was entirely incidental. In fact, I remember many get-togethers in my extended family at which no one drank hard liquor at all. For years, my parents kept two bottles—Canadian Club and Schnapps—on the top shelf of the linen closet and only took them out for toasts on special occasions. When we moved to a bigger house that came with a finished basement with a knotty pine-paneled bar, the two bottles came out of the closet and were joined by dozens more. My parents bought liquor based on the shape of the bottle. I remember a round stubby Crème de Menthe, and a tall slender bottle with a long neck and yellow stuff in it. No idea what it was.

How do you approach alcohol in your every day life?  

I only drink in company or when out at restaurant. My preference is straight ice cold Grey Goose or Kettle One vodka. Sometimes a California chard or cabernet, or a good merlot or reisling. I also like Guiness and other dark beer. No interest in drinking alone.

If you have kids, how is the subject of drinking handled? Do you drink in front of them? With them?

We had no compunctions about drinking in front of our three kids who are now grown. But, again, we rarely drank unless we had company .

Have you ever had a phase in your life when you drank more or less?  

No, my drinking has always been casual and social.

What’s your drink of choice? Why?

Vodka for the last five or so years, because I discovered I can hold it very well. I enjoy the buzz, and it never gives me a hangover. But it has to be straight, not with Vermouth. Sometimes, a bloody mary.

Can you tell us about the best time you ever had drinking?  

I always have a good time drinking because I drink in very pleasant settings—nice restaurants, when we travel, on some balcony overlooking a lake, etc. I have fond memories of drinking excellent wine during a couple of hiking trips in France and Italy. The setting really adds to the experience. I can’t imagine enjoying a drink in a dank corner bar.

What about the worst time?  

In Natasket, Massachussetts, when I was a sophomore in college. I went with a boyfriend to a beach party that turned into a binge drinking spree and I got very blotto and very sick. I’ve been drunk a few times since—in the sense of feeling the world spin around and feeling myself lurch across a room—but I’ve never felt as absolutely rock bottom awful as I did during that beach party and I hope I never do again.

Has drinking ever affected—either negatively or positively—a relationship of yours?  

No.

Has culture or religion influenced your drinking?  

I’m sure it has though not consciously. In my experience, Jews don’t socialize around drinking but rather around food. No Jew I know ever lauded another Jew for holding liquor. That’s just not in our DNA.

Do you have a favorite book, song, or movie about drinking?  

“Sideways”

What do you like most about drinking?  

The sociability. The ritual. (I always need the right glass for the right drink. I don’t enjoy vodka in a wine glass the way I do in a martini glass.) The taste. And the buzz.

How has alcoholism affected your life?  

Not at all. I never had an alcoholic in my family and never dated one. Neither did my husband or kids.

If you could be any drink, what would it be? Why?

I guess a martini, because of the literary and period associations.

by Kate Rockland

I am the mother to a very boisterous 11-month old. Before giving birth to my son, I was pregnant one other time which ended in miscarriage. With that pregnancy, I followed all the rules: I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol, stopped getting the light brown highlights I favor, didn’t even use nail polish on my toes lest the chemicals seep into my skin. I used all-natural shampoo and conditioner, stopped jogging, and took up prenatal yoga. I took my prenatal vitamins religiously, and avoided all the reccomended foods such as tuna fish, unpasteurized cheeses, and sliced deli meat. I miscarried at thirteen weeks, and felt devastated. I’d followed every rule my midwife recommended, and still, tragedy struck.

When I got pregnant for the second time with my son, I started out by again following all the rules. But everything changed when I booked a trip with my husband to California. The area surrounding Sonoma is wine country, and I found myself staying in a very quirky b&b by the ocean in the small town of Carmel. I was seven months pregnant, and enchanted by all the local vineyards and small, independent labels I read on the bar menu in our lobby. The name of the bed and breakfast was the Cypress Inn, run by the actress Doris Day. One is allowed to bring one’s dog, and the lobby bar, which has an open patio section with pretty white lights strung in the trees, showcases several of the inn’s dogs, as well as big Great Danes resting on beds by the roaring outdoor fireplace. A surreal, eartheal and beautiful scene, set by the ocean.

I guiltily fingered the bar menu, as my husband smiled at me. There was a quote by Humphrey Bogart on the cover, which read: “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” My gaze lingered over a local 2009 Chardonnay from the Heller Estate, a vineyard which we would later visit down the road from the hotel. “Why don’t you order a glass?” my husband asked. “One glass of wine would be fine for the baby, I know women who drink one a day while pregnant!”

“I guess I’ll play a game of hide the belly under the table,” I answered sardonically when the waiter approached our table. I glanced furtively around, sure any moment someone from the Mom Police, aka our society in general would haul me away in handcuffs. My nervousness was unwarranted however, when I spotted a very famous and very pregnant actress three tables over. I gasped. She appeared to be drinking a glass of Pinot Noir, and looked relaxed and happy, laughing with friends. I’d just seen a movie she was in the week before we left on our trip. “Did you see?” I asked my husband. “I did!” he replied. Well. If a woman nominated for an Oscar could enjoy a glass of grape, so could I.

I just had the one glass of Chardonnay, but because it was one glass I enjoyed it more than I’d ever enjoyed wine before. Before the pregnancies, I was known to drink an entire bottle alone. This time, I learned to sip, and my one glass lasted the hour spent in that courtyard, trying not to ogle the actress. I tried a different glass from a different local vineyard each night of our vacation, and it turned out to be one of my favorite trips ever taken in my lifetime. After dealing with the heartache of miscarriage, I realized that I had to stop beating myself up. I’d followed all the rules doctors ask of pregnant women, and ended up without a baby. Part of me feels asking pregnant women not to drink a sip of wine throughout their entire nine months is another way of controlling women, which is what our society likes to do. There is definitely a very scary term called fetal alcohol syndrome, but I don’t believe one glass of wine enjoyed from time to time with dinner results in that sad diagnosis. I think my own miscarriage happened because not every pregnancy is meant to be, and I have to accept that we are human and therefore part of nature.

My son was born on a whip-cold night last winter, and he came out perfectly healthy at 7 pounds, 4 ounces. I’d never seen such a beautiful baby in my life. I hope our society eases up a little on the restraints for pregnant women, and that my fellow sisters no longer feel they have to play “hide the bump under the table” while out enjoying themselves at a restaurant or neighborhood bar. There’s always people who overdo it and I don’t condone that. But a nice, full-bodied glass of Chardonnay after a day filled with backaches, sore breasts, and bloated feet? That surely, we deserve.

Kate Rockland is the author of  150 Pounds, and Falling Is Like This. Kate lives in Hoboken, NJ with her husband, son, and cat, Elizabeth Taylor. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times. She weighs 150 pounds.

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Okay, I’ll admit it: I watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and I love it. I know it’s de rigueur to call reality TV a “guilty pleasure” and feel ashamed for not reading back issues of The New Yorker instead, but it’s actually gotten me thinking about drinking.

Here are some of my thoughts:

The Show Accurately Reflects Our Booze-Soaked Culture: Just as drinking has played a central role in all cultures since the beginning of time, so alcohol is an unacknowledged main character in the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Watch any scene of the ladies staying in or going out, and chardonnay, margaritas or some other kind of booze is most likely involved. Listen to their grateful sighs as someone hands them a glass.

The Beverly Hills Housewives, C’est Moi: It’s easy for me to watch the show and shake my head or roll my eyes, thinking, Thank God I’m nothing like these women. But underneath the boob jobs, botox and Mean Girl smiles, these women are just as vulnerable and damaged as everyone else. Watch for the human moments, like Kyle’s strained relationship with her troubled sister, Kim. She alternates between wanting to protect Kim and wanting to wring her neck.  When Kyle spots Kim walking into the opening of Lisa’s latest restaurant after they’ve had a monstrous fight, she summons the waiter, jokes about “needing a drink” and gives a sly wink. But we all know she’s serious. Many women have troubled relationships with family members, and just like many of us, Kyle sometimes uses alcohol to cope with the stress.

Drinking is Like Russian roulette: Thrilling for many, potentially deadly for some. When it comes to drinking, life’s not fair. Some women, like Kyle Richards, can keep up with the best of ‘em, participating in seemingly endless alcohol-soaked “Girls’ Night Outs” without many repercussions. Others, like her sister, Kim, take a bullet when they drink. There’s no use bemoaning the fact that it’s unfair—that’s just the way it is.

There But For the Grace of God Go We All: It’s easy to judge Kim more harshly than the rest of the women—as an out-of-control, weepy mess. But why? They all drink, and sometimes when they do, they behave in strange ways (see Brandi Glanville’s bizarre, loopy behavior on the way to Hawaii, and Taylor Armstrong’s drunken weeping fits). Kim just happens to have a body/mind chemistry not suited to holding her liquor (and whatever else she might have been on).

Drinking Can be a Great Force for Bonding: I’ll admit it: sometimes, when I watch the women sitting around one of their houses, clinking glasses, I wish I were sitting right there with them. Why? Because it reminds me of the ritual fun of Girl’s Night Out, of times when a bottle of wine loosens lips and creates a comfortable space for sharing and/or hilarity. Can you picture the show without the booze? Can you imagine the women, some of them near-strangers at the beginning of the season—opening up to each other as quickly as they do, stirring up so much drama—without the booze?

When It Comes to Addiction, The Show Is a Litmus Test: At times, when I’m watching the show, there’s a voice in my head that nags, Why can’t Kim just quit? Can’t she see how irrational she’s being? How bizarre? How much her behavior (her chronic lateness, for one) is driving everyone crazy? I find myself getting mad at her for her selfishness, her weakness. That’s when I remember why it’s hard for me to have compassion: Like Kyle, I, too, have lived at the effect of addicts. Both my mother and sister have struggled with addiction. I, too, have felt a mixture of anger, pity, guilt and love. I know what it feels like to want to help but not be able to. So when I empathize with Kyle and disparage Kim in my mind, I know that I need to reboot and remind myself of that thing called compassion. It’s a struggle for us children of alcoholics. I have to remind myself that Kim doesn’t want to be “like that.” Her addiction has taken over, and she’s powerless. At the same time, I find myself talking to Kyle when she’s on the screen, saying, “Give yourself a time out. You don’t have to be the fall guy. You have to live your own life, too.”

The show reflects many of the contradictions that we embrace on our Drinking Diaries blog. We live in a drinking world, and there’s got to be a way for drinkers and non-drinkers to peacefully co-exist, to understand each other and be respectful.

On the last episode of this season, as I watched Lisa, Adrienne, Kyle, Camille and even a battle-scarred Taylor gathering for yet another round of champagne, clinking glasses in yet another toast, I found myself worrying about Kim. A sidebar comment revealed that she went to rehab, and all I could think was: How will she re-enter this group, with all the drinking? Will she be able to resist the temptation? Will they adopt different behaviors around her? Will Kyle feel too guilty to drink around her?

Even though the Real Housewives takes place in the surreal world of Beverly Hills, these are issues many of us will face, no matter where we live.

Rumors are going around that Kim won’t return for the next season because she’ll be too fragile, too vulnerable. But perhaps that’s where her real story starts. When she comes back from rehab, if she manages to stay sober, Kim Richards, the butt of many a joke and stolen glance—may turn the tables on everyone. She may actually end up being the sanest housewife of them all—a role model for others who are struggling to stay sober in a sodden land.

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Each week, we post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you.

Susan Orlean is the bestselling author of eight books, including My Kind of Place; The Bullfighter Checks Her Makeup;  Saturday Night; and  Lazy Little Loafers. In 1999, she published The Orchid Thief, a narrative about orchid poachers in Florida, which was made into the Oscar-winning movie, “Adaptation,” written by Charlie Kaufman and directed by Spike Jonze.  Rin Tin Tin: The Life and the Legend, a sweeping account of Rin Tin Tin’s journey from orphaned puppy to movie star and international icon published in 2011, was a New York Times bestseller and a Notable book of 2011.

Orlean has written for Vogue, Esquire, Rolling Stone, and Smithsonian, and has been a staff writer for the New Yorker since 1992. She has covered a wide range of subjects – from umbrella inventors to origami artists to skater Tonya Harding – and she has often written about animals, including show dogs, racing pigeons, animal actors, oxen, donkeys, mules, and backyard chickens. She lives in upstate New York and Los Angeles with one dog, three cats, eight chickens, four turkeys, four guinea fowl, twelve Black Angus cattle, three ducks, and her husband and son.

Drinking Diaries: How old were you when you had your first drink and what was it?

Susan Orlean: I was probably about 13, and the drink in question was Vandermint — a chocolate mint liqueur, which was very sweet and very awful.

How did/does your family treat drinking?

My parents drank very little. My dad usually had a scotch on Friday nights, and occasionally on a week night, and my mother never drank except when we would talk her into having a few sips of wine. We weren’t a very alcohol-centric family.

How do you approach alcohol in your every day life?

I think of it as an entertaining beverage. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m not very interested in the whole range of wine, for instance — I’m happy having a glass of wine, but I’m not fascinated by wine as a product or a gourmet experience. I sometimes read cocktail menus and think different cocktails sound tasty, but in the end, I can take ‘em or leave ‘em.

If you have kids, how is the subject of drinking handled? Do you drink in front of them? With them?

My son is seven. He sees me and my husband having wine with dinner. He knows what wine is, and he’s tasted it (and of course, hated the taste) and we’ve talked to him about people who drink too much — although I think he’s too young to really understand what that means. All he knows is that in certain cartoons, there are characters who can’t walk straight and have bubbles circling their heads, which is what he thinks being drunk is all about.

Have you ever had a phase in your life when you drank more or less?

I drank a lot in college, which seems to be almost a graduation requirement. It was a way to be uninhibited and ridiculous and experimental, especially with regards to boys. And like all college students, I drank awful stuff — Diet Coke and rum, whiskey sours made with the cheapest, worst whiskey, and lousy beer. But the point was to be together, get tipsy, and be a wild college student, so it worked.

What’s your drink of choice? Why?

I drink white wine — Pinot Grigio, usually. I used to like red wine, too, but now it bothers my stomach, so, sadly, I usually don’t drink it anymore. I rarely drink hard liquor except for the occasional margarita. Wow, do I sound boring!

Has drinking ever affected—either negatively or positively—a relationship of yours?

I had two — yes, two! — alcoholic boyfriends, which was, in both cases, incredibly difficult and ultimately ruined the relationships. I came to appreciate how vicious alcoholism is, and how devastating. It’s made me very wary of people who drink with a bit too much gusto.

What do you like most about drinking?

There’s a tiny relaxation switch that gets flipped when I have a glass of wine — maybe it’s mostly psychological, really, but I feel like I’m loosening my collar and rolling up my sleeves. That’s the way I drink now, compared to the way I drank as a college kid, where drinking was the beginning of a wild party. Now, it’s the beginning of a wind-down, the quieter part of the day. Funny how a few decades changes things, isn’t it?

I love to travel. I’m the person that gets a pit of excitement in my stomach, knowing I’m hours away from getting on an airplane. Once in the air, I’m happy to pass the hours, reading, watching a movie, or just looking at the clouds below.

While I’ve never associated the two, I also love wine, but understand that the wine served tens of thousands of feet above the ground–in coach class, that is–in those mini twist-off bottles is simply drinkable, at best, and nothing more. I’ll rarely spring the 5 bucks for a mediocre, miniature bottle of wine.

Part of the investment for first and business-class passengers must be the wine, because they are drinking a whole different calibre of beverage (full disclosure: I’ve been one of those passengers on two occasions. It’s really nice up there.) Chosen from a selection of several reds and whites, business class wine is poured from a traditional 750 ml bottle. No twist offs for those folks.

As a matter of fact, the wine chosen for business class passengers has become such big business that there are awards for the category–the Wines on the Wing Airline Wine Competition. According to Global Traveler, a magazine for business and luxury travelers, in the most recent competition, 26 airlines submitted 46 white wines, 49 red wines, and 23 champagne or sparkling wines currently on their international Business Class and North American premium class wine lists for a blind taste test. Global Traveler is the only U.S.-based publication to conduct such a survey in the United States (see 2011 competition results here).

But things are looking up for domestic-flying wine drinkers in economy class. Airlines have recently begun offering more interesting selections, as listed on the Bottlenotes blog. And if you’re really particular about your vineyard and vintage, bring your own on board. You’ll cruise right through security with your own 50 ml (1.7 oz) bottles from the TastingRoom’s wine samplers.

Cheers. And safe travels.

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My husband’s office had their annual Chinese New Year’s party last week at a restaurant in Flushing, Queens, and while the karaoke, musical chairs, and door prizes were a blast, I still can’t get over the shots of wine. Yes–shots of wine. My husband, who goes to these events regularly, says this is typical—not among the Americans who work at his company, but among the Chinese.

My own experience has borne this out. Every time I’ve gone to an event in Chinatown with my husband, groups of people (mostly men, but women can do it, too) stand at their tables and do shots of wine. Bad red wine, to my eye. And not in shot glasses. In regular, full-size glasses. A typical American like myself finds the thought of chugging red wine repellant. Beer is meant for chugging, vodka and tequila are meant for knocking back shots, but wine—wine is meant for sipping. But in Chinatown, that’s not how it goes.

A little research revealed the reason for this behavior. In Chinese culture, it doesn’t matter what’s in your glass–whether it’s wine or Remy Martin, draining the entire glass after a toast symbolizes boldness and strength of character.  Sipping your drink would be considered rude and wimpy. “Gan Bei,” the phrase used for a toast, literally means “Dry glass.”

This got me thinking about drinking customs in different cultures and around the world. Here are some of the more interesting customs I found:

Sweden:

Making a toast in Sweden? You don’t just say “Ja, skål,” and it’s over. Every toast demands a song, and there are over 2,000 Swedish drinking songs to choose from. The ritual is called “snapsvisor,” and people are meant to sing the glory of the “snap,”—the small drink they are about to enjoy.

My friend, who married a Swedish man, taught me one that went something like this. (translated into English):

LAMBO:

Take the glass to your lips,

{chorus} We all drink like herrings!

and empty it, you drunken dog

{chorus} We all drink like herrings!

When proposing a toast in Sweden, be sure to maintain eye contact throughout the toast and the drinking of the alcohol. If you’re in a group, toast the person next to you. “Skål,” which means shell or bowl, dates back to the Vikings, who supposedly drank booze from the skulls of their defeated enemies.

Russia:

When in Russia, just say nyet to mixed drinks. Russians drink their vodka straight, and it’s considered cowardly and insulting to the host to drink anything but.

Before taking a shot of vodka, make sure to sniff some rye bread. Oh—and once a bottle of vodka is opened, it must be finished.

England:

Ever heard the phrase “session drinking”? The goal: to drink a variety of alcoholic beverages with low alcohol percentages so you can drink all night without getting sloppy.

Japan:

When at a celebration in Japan, never pour your own drink. Pouring drinks for each other encourages community and fellowship among the guests. The goal: By the end of the night, everyone should have poured a drink for every other person in the room.

It’s no surprise that these different drinking rituals have evolved, since drinking has been a part of every civilization and culture since the beginning of time.

After reading about these rituals, I realized that my husband and I have a drinking ritual of our own. We’re both superstitious, so when we make a toast and we’re sitting at a table, even if it’s a long table with twenty people, we have to clink everyone’s glass. Have you or any members of your family developed drinking rituals over the years?

Each week, we post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you.

Mary Morris is the author of fourteen books – six novels, including Revenge, three collections of short stories, and four travel memoirs, including most recently, The River Queen. Her numerous short stories and articles have appeared in such places as The Atlantic, Narrative, The Paris Review, The New York Times, and Travel+Leisure. The recipient of the Rome Prize in Literature, Morris teaches writing at Sarah Lawrence College.  For more information go to her website, www.marymorris.net.

Drinking Diaries: How old were you when you had your first drink and what was it?

Mary Morris: Do Shirley Temples count?  I had a lot of those.  I can’t remember my first actual drink, but I do remember being in my early teens at a slumber party where we ransacked a stash of champagne.  The next morning wasn’t a pretty sight.

How did/does your family treat drinking?

Well, I’m from Chicago and my dad grew up during Prohibition.  That is, he grew up spending a lot of time in the speaks with black and tans.  So drinking had kind of a nice cache.   When I was little, my parents gave big parties.  Lots of cheese puffs and Rob Roys which was my mother’s drink of choice until one night I think she had one too many.  I remember her being very sick.  And she never drank again.  My father, however, until he was over 100 years old (he lived to be almost 103) had his vodka with a twist of lime every night.  So alcohol has always been in my life.

How do you approach alcohol in your every day life?

For better or worse I drink coffee every morning and wine every night.  This became more the case after I quit smoking about fifteen years ago.  I’ve tried to have alcohol free days, and I’ve certainly had them enforced upon me when I’m on the road in certain places like Morocco where in the souks as I walked by men whispered, “Grass, hashish,” and I was wishing they were whispering “Merlot, Chardonnay.”  But it’s rare that I end my day without a glass of wine.

If you have kids, how is the subject of drinking handled?

My drinking never bothered my daughter that much when she was small or even now.  (She did hate my smoking which I quit for years but took up again when she was about five.  I had to sneak smokes because she was like a narcotics agent so finally I just quit).  But the drinking she saw as something social that I enjoyed and didn’t interfere with our lives. Once, as a wise teenager, she said that she felt I had a wine habit, but not a wine problem.  And I think this is true.

Do you drink in front of them? With them?

Both.

Have you ever had a phase in your life when you drank more or less?

I’ve gone through various phases of mild substance abuse.  Nothing horrific, but stuff I could have controlled more. I definitely drink more now since I stopped smoking.

What’s your drink of choice? Why?

I have come over the years to love a nice dry, crisp bottle of rose.  Hard liquor makes me sick.  I don’t like red wine and white doesn’t usually do it for me.  But there’s something about rose.  Whenever I tell friends who invite me for dinner that I’ll bring a bottle of rose, they invariably say, “Oh no, we don’t like sweet wine.”  I have to prove to them that rose isn’t a sweet drink at all.

I find it so satisfying to eat chicken or fish on a summer night with a really good rose from say, Provence or Umbria or Navarra.

Can you tell us about the best time you ever had drinking?

Also I travel a lot, and travel, food and wine come together for me.  Many of my best memories are tied up in journeys.   The vineyards of Sancerre, and Napa where I went on an amazing assignment, the North Fork of Long Island.  We have friends who have a wonderful vineyard in Eastern Ontario.  Some nice white wine I enjoyed in Turkey.  I love all of these experiences.  But there is one that stands out…a few summers ago Larry and I were staying in the town of San Pedro near San Sebastian in Northern Spain.  We’d taken a little ferry across a channel to the town of San Juan where there were some good seafood restaurants.  We went into one where we sat by a porthole, overlooking the town where we were staying and the sea.

We ordered fish – the local catch – and asked if they had a bottle of rose.  The waiter, who was also the owner, returned with a perfectly chilled bottle without a label.  It was from his grandmother’s vineyard.  3 euros.  Not sure I’ve ever had anything that good – before or since.

What about the worst time?

Well, this is just one of those I’m never going to forget.  And I’ve never really told…but it definitely stands out as the worst.  I feel as if I am confessing to my sins, but here goes.  Many years ago I was engaged to be married to a Frenchman.   We were both graduate students in Cambridge and we’d gone to France together to meet his friends and family.  We were staying with a friend of Marc’s.  A really lovely man who had an incredibly kind manner.   I liked him a lot and I think he liked me.  He had a kind of loft bed which he gave to us.  He slept on the sofa downstairs.

One night I went to Les Halles with Marc and some friends.  It was one of those dinners I’d never really had before that starts with Champagne and moves on to lots of courses and wine pairings.  The kind of thing the French do. Actually the rest is so embarrassing I can’t finish…but let’s just sum it up by saying I was sick all night.  My boyfriend passed out and the friend with whom we were staying helped me clean up.  At one point he turned to me and asked, “Why are you with him?”

It was, quite literally, a sobering moment.  I stayed with Marc a few more months before he left me.  I always thought that I would have liked to have been with his friend and I’ve wondered over the years what became of him.

Has drinking ever affected—either negatively or positively—a relationship of yours?

Not really.

Has culture or religion influenced your drinking?

No

Do you have a favorite book, song, or movie about drinking?

Billy Joel’s “Piano Man.”

What do you like most about drinking?

I like the taste.  I like the way it relaxes me.

How has alcoholism affected your life?

It’s something I think about.  I’d like to drink less.

If you could be any drink, what would it be? Why?

A dry, crisp rose from Italy or Spain, preferably by the sea.

There is an answer to this question, but you’ll have to read on to find the answer (don’t cheat)…

Needless to say, the glass wine bottle reigns supreme. There has, however, been an increase in the types of containers storing wine in recent years. And it keeps on evolving.

For a long time, boxed wine has been looked down upon. But the quality of the wine has recently risen. Eric Asimov of the NYT explains the reasons in his piece, ”Reconsidering Boxed Wine.” Greater acceptance of the boxed wine notion is also good news if you’re counting carbon footprints–according to the Journal of Wine Research, shipping boxed wine produces half as many gas emissions as transporting heavier glass bottles.

Along with boxes, came the can. In a recent article on nytimes.com, “Cans of Wine Join the Boxed Set,” Bonnie Tsui provides great information on some of the newer, and finer, wines–drinkable not from a Bordeaux or Burgundy-shaped bottle, but rather from a specially-lined aluminum can.

Wine in a can isn’t entirely new, Tsui points out, and was “first sold by Barokes Wines, an Australian winemaker that invented a patented process called Vinsafe, which lines the aluminum to prevent any reaction that would impart flavors to the wine or degrade the container. The techniques are similar to what some craft brewers have been using, but wine’s high acidity and alcohol levels require a thicker lining.”

I wasn’t surprised to learn that Francis Ford Coppola was the first American winemaker to sell wine in a can–small, pink ones housing Sofia Blanc de Blancs, named for his daughter.

Wines on tap at Colicchio & Sons

I was surprised, however, when I ate recently at the latest of chef Tom Colicchio’s New York restaurants, Colicchio & Sons. The bar had an extensive selection of craft beers, as well as five “eco-friendly” wines…on tap. That’s right. On tap.

I’ve since learned that there are several advantages for serving wine on tap:

-Better for the environment. While bottles are recycled, wine served on tap is stored in environmentally friendly, air tight mini tanks that are reused.

-Cost-effective. Producers aren’t adding on the cost of the bottle, the cork, the carton and the transportation it comes in, so the restaurant owner pays less and so does the consumer.

-Freshness. Wine left over in a bottle used to pour wines by the glass is often discarded as it doesn’t last for more than a couple of days at most. Wine served on tap always tastes fresh, lasting for up to 60 days.

So I guess that’s what’s next…

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This week, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) released a report stating that binge drinking is a bigger problem than they thought. According to their statistics, “More than 38 million US adults binge drink, about 4 times a month.”

So what are we going to do about it? Apparently, all the blanket recommendations, measurements and equations are falling on deaf ears. No wonder, when we’re all so different.

Rebecca Johnson, a writer, was recently interviewed in Time magazine about her unconventional approach to drinking. At one point, she went to Hazelden, a popular rehab facility, for counseling, but she felt they were pushing an “either-or model.” They suggested that she go away to rehab for a month, telling her she should never drink again. The all-or-nothing approach didn’t work for her, so she tried regulating her drinking with the help of a program called Moderate Drinking.

In my own experience, drinking habits that worked for others just didn’t work for me. I used to be jealous of my friends who could have a glass or two of wine a night, no problem. I tried that, tried to have a carefree attitude, but instead felt wracked with guilt and fear that I would become an alcoholic like my mom. Instead, over the years, I’ve learned to set my own guidelines.

For instance: I only drink wine. Not by myself. Mostly when I go out or have dinner with my husband or friends. Usually no more than 2 glasses, because I know that when I have 3 I get tired, and the next day, I have a hangover.

Occasionally, I break the rules, but these rules work for me. I can have my wine and have my fun when I go out, minus the panic and fear that I’m going to become an alcoholic.

I’m not suggesting that we do away with guidance. Most of us need mentoring, and appreciate all the information that scientists, researchers and others share. Guidance is fine. Strict, all-or-nothing, one-size-fits-all rules are not.

Ultimately, we each have to find our own balance. It may take years. For some people, abstention is the only way.  For others, a looser approach is fine.

This week, a government committee in the UK came up with a great, workable idea to help combat their binge drinking problem. They’re admitting, actually admitting, that the current drinking recommendations, with their talk of units per day, are conflicting and hard to understand. Think about it: Who’s going to bring a measuring cup to a bar, or tell the bartender to pour the extra wine out?

Instead of setting rigid standards, the committee recommends that people have at least two drink-free days out of the week.

For those who like to drink, and who aren’t struggling with addiction, this is a great idea, a jumpstart to becoming more conscious so they can start to set their own guidelines.

The day or two of not drinking helps people create lives that don’t center around drinking. Instead of resenting Big Brother, people can feel like they’re in control of their own lives.

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Each week, we post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you.

Angela Elson is the author of I Want You to Like Me: A Foreigner’s Memoir of Bravery, Beer and Japan, a (soon-to-be-finished) humorous depiction of the three years she spent teaching English, falling in love and making an ass out of herself in Osaka. She holds an MFA in creative writing from Spalding University, and her work has appeared in Oil and Water and Other Things That Don’t Mix, a charity anthology benefiting the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.

Drinking Diaries: How old were you when you had your first drink and what was it?

Angela Elson: I was six. My mother had come home from work and decided to unwind by practicing the piano while sipping a generous glass of Coca Cola on ice, which she kept on the coffee table behind her to mitigate the risk of its spilling on the keys. Coke was forbidden in our house, and I remember being—in my sneaky, stubborn, childish way—jealous. I wasn’t going to let her get away with flaunting her adult-derived ability to drink soda on a whim, so while she played, I drained the glass in one long, deliberate gulp. It was possibly the grossest thing that ever happened to me. I blame the developers of Kahlua for making it look just like Coke. Who does that?

How did/does your family treat drinking?

My family loves to drink! It’s partially in the genes—my parents grew up in European homes—but also I think my family uses booze as an excuse to get together and shoot the breeze. Now that I am “of age,” we drink together all the time. But even when I wasn’t, I remember my parents having cocktails every night after work, and my brother and I would sit in the living room with them like adults and talk about our day. When we were teenagers, we were allowed a beer (if we wanted one) during these occasions, or wine with dinner—it was no big deal. When I tell people this, I fear they’ll assume we’re all a bunch of alcoholics who can’t have fun without sauce. But then I think, “Growing up, sure, my family drank every day, but we also talked every day, and we still have a great time together.” How many families can say that?

Have you ever had a phase in your life when you drank more or less?

When I was 21, I moved to Osaka, Japan, to teach English for three years. This was done with the intention of finding myself and becoming a responsible, all-loving citizen of the world, but on my first day there I discovered you could buy whiskey at convenience stores, and the situation devolved rapidly from there. I attribute this to many things: I was young. I got off work at 9 in the evening. I was alone overseas in a land where I couldn’t understand the TV. I belonged to a thriving ex-pat community of mostly handsome young pub enthusiasts with British-derived accents. But mostly, I think I drank because it made the stranger parts of being a foreigner overseas seem less surreal. I loved Japan, but it’s hard not to belong anywhere. Get enough 7/11 whiskey in you, though, and every place can feel like home.

Can you tell us about the best time you ever had drinking?

I was trying to screw up the courage to seduce this Australian guy who taught English with me in Japan. We were with a bunch of friends at our favorite 50-square-foot bar in Osaka, where everybody literally knew our names. Five beers, four gins and tonic, three tequila shots, two flasks of sake and a bottle of wine later, I was having a blast. I went home with the Australian and never left: we’ll be married five years next June.

Has culture or religion influenced your drinking?

Culturally, the Japanese are firm believers in the bonding powers of getting sloshed with your workmates and friends, which is a custom I adopted with gusto. It’s easy to trust people and tell secrets when you’re half in the bag: you can skip whole years of friendship development with a good night at the bar. Sometimes now when I meet people, I think, “Hey, we should all go out and get tanked!” But then I have to remind myself binge drinking beyond a certain age is frowned upon in the States, and I confess that’s a small disappointment. Because sometimes (not often, but sometimes) it hits the spot. It really does.

How do you approach alcohol in your every day life?

Growing up watching Mr. Rogers, I think I developed this whole complex about the “come-home” ritual: you take off your shoes, you change your sweater and then you have a drink. OK, I made that last part up, but I think there’s something psychologically satisfying about getting home and having a beer—maybe because it’s not coffee or soda or anything you can have at work. My husband and I usually have at least one drink in the evenings, and we see friends for a beer maybe twice during the workweek as well. Life’s too short to save the good times for the weekend. As long as you continue to be a functioning, well-liked adult, I don’t see the problem with having a drink every day.

How has alcoholism affected your life?

Mostly I worry that I might actually be an alcoholic, but I’ve been told that if I was a real alcoholic, I wouldn’t be so self-conscious about it. So that’s cheerful.

What do you like most about drinking?

I like the social aspect of drinking. It’s really one of the only pastimes in the world (besides eating—another favorite) that hasn’t evolved. All you need is a porch or a pub and a few pints and some people to pass the time. In these days of texting and Facebook and other forms of faux communication, I think it’s crucial to the preservation of society that we continue the time-honored tradition of hanging out and hoisting a few. It’s civilized. It’s fun. And above all, it’s real.

What’s your drink of choice? Why?

Being from Kentucky, it has to be bourbon on the rocks: easy, clean, respectable, earnest. I am still of an age where some of my friends don’t like their alcohol to taste like booze, and for some reason I judge them for that. With bourbon, there’s no escaping the taste: it’s there, it’s intense and it takes a while to sip, which is good because you can spend more time drinking with the people you love (or the people you just love to drink with).

When I go to the supermarket, I’m one of those shoppers that actually reads the labels. I typically peruse the list of ingredients first, and then move on to check out the number of grams of fat and fiber.

I’ve never given much thought to the notion of labels on alcoholic beverages, but the gift of information would be nice. For the time being, however, the federal government continues to delay a proposal to provide consumers with basic nutrition and alcohol facts on containers of beer, wine and spirits.

“Alcoholic beverages can contribute a significant amount of calories to the diet,” said Chris Waldrop, director of the Food Policy Institute at Consumer Federation of America (CFA). “Unfortunately for consumers wanting to watch their weight, they aren’t able to turn to the label to get the information they need, like they can with other food products.”

Alcoholic beverages are the only major category of consumable products not required to be labeled with information about even their basic characteristics. According to the CFA, labeling information can serve as a tool to help reduce alcohol abuse, drunk driving, obesity, and the many diseases attributable to excessive alcohol intake.

Because there hasn’t been any government action on labeling of alcoholic beverages, the CFA released a useful chart in 2008, comparing the calorie and alcohol content of several major brands of beer, wine and distilled spirits.

“Consumers need basic information about alcohol content to help them drink in moderation as recommended by the federal government and numerous health groups,” Waldrop said. “For example, consumers need to know that a 12 ounce bottle of beer has generally the same amount of alcohol as a 5 ounce glass of wine and 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits.”

In 2007, the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB) proposed a rule to require a standardized “Alcohol Facts” panel on all beer, wine and distilled spirits products. Four years later, TTB has yet to finalize that proposal. CFA and other public interest groups have called on TTB to mandate alcohol information on a standardized label, including the serving size, number of servings per container, percentage alcohol by volume and the amount of alcohol (in fl oz) per serving, as well as calorie information. CFA has also urged TTB to require that alcoholic beverage labels contain a statement defining “moderate” drinking, derived from the U.S. Government’s Dietary Guidelines for Americans, and the definition of a standard drink.

The CFA advises consumers to remember the following:

1. It’s not what you drink, it’s how much that counts. Don’t be fooled into thinking that beer or wine is safer or less potent than the “hard stuff.” Remember, 12 ounces of beer has the same amount of alcohol as 5 ounces of wine and 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits.

2. Don’t drink on an empty stomach. Eat food while you drink and alternate water or other nonalcoholic drinks with your alcoholic beverage.

3. In many cases, alcohol and medications don’t mix. Always read the label to determine if the prescription medicine or over-the-counter drug carries a specific warning about consuming alcohol.

4. If you’re going to be drinking when you go out, plan ahead of time how you will get home. Designate a driver, have a taxi number, and money ready to pay the taxi. Whatever you do, don’t drink and drive.

5. If you are hosting a party, keep an eye out for those who may have had too much to drink and planning to drive home. If necessary, take their keys and call a taxi.

6. Whether you are a parent, family member or a friend, don’t serve to or buy alcohol for people under 21.

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Vodka always seemed to me like the chameleon of drinks: flavorless and odorless, taking on the taste of whatever mixer was splashed in. In the January/February issue of Health magazine, I learned that this versatile spirit can be used for a myriad of tasks. Pie-crust helper, facial astringent?  Who knew?

Good Housekeeping‘s Daily Green site had even more practical uses for vodka:

1. Treat poison ivy: After coming into contact with poison ivy, immediately pour vodka on skin. Caveat: Some say that the vodka needs to be at least 100 proof to work.

2. Freshen up your laundry: Spritz your clothes with vodka. The spirit kills odor-causing bacteria. Don’t worry: you won’t smell like a distillery: vodka doesn’t leave a smell when it dries.

3. Make your knobs and fixtures shine: Spritz some vodka on a soft, clean cloth and polish chrome, glass and porcelain with it.

4. Keep flowers fresh: Add a few drops of vodka and a teaspoon of sugar to the water in the vase. Repeat every day.

5. Repel insects:  Put some vodka in a spray bottle and squirt those mosquitoes away, or squirt it on your skin.

6. Soothe Jellyfish Stings: Vodka disinfects and alleviates some of the pain from a jellyfish sting.

7. Get Healthy Hair: Add vodka to your shampoo for shiny, luscious hair.

8. Banish Mold: Fill a spray bottle with some bottom-shelf vodka. Spritz on the affected area, and let sit 15 minutes. Scrub clean with an old toothbrush.

9. Make a soothing tincture: Fill a clean glass jar with fresh lavender flowers, then top off with vodka. Seal the lid tightly and place in the sun for three days. Strain the resulting liquid through a coffee filter. Rub the tincture into achy areas.

10. Ease a Toothache: Swish a shot of vodka over the affected area. It should numb some of the pain in your gums (Of course, if you’re in incredible pain, you could always just take a few shots, but then you’d be in lala land).

You can find even more uses for vodka here.

And here are some unusual uses for beer.

Of course, if you can’t drink vodka or beer, you probably shouldn’t tempt fate by spritzing it all over your house and your clothing.

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Each week, we post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you.

Stefani Jackenthal is the author of Wanderlust Wining, an adventure journalist for print, TV, and radio and an elite international endurance racer. She has contributed to The New York Times, Wine Enthusiast, Outside, Conde’ Nast Traveler, Shape, Women’s Health, Fitness, Prevention, Runner’s World, Marie Claire, and Oxygen amongst others. Stefani penned The Complete Idiot’s Guide Rock Climbing and has contributed to books including The New York Times Practical Guide to Practically Everything. She has also reported for NPR’s “Weekend Edition Saturday” as well as reported on-air for TV. Stefani is the founder and president of the wine events company NTS Wine Tasting, LLC, which produces corporate and private wine tastings, dinners and educational wine series. You can learn more about Stefani on www.stefjack.com and www.wanderlustwining.com

How old were you when you had your first drink and what was it?

I come from a drink-enjoying family, so my exposure to adult-bevvies goes deep. My first memory of tasting booze must reach back to when I was around 4 years old, licking the whiskey sour off the Maraschino cherries passed to me from my Mom, Grandmother and Aunt Guggy at our Sunday night family dinners at Moby Dick Seafood restaurant in Rockland County. It continued from there. In addition to raiding my parents’ liquor cabinet when I was 13 years old, my mom remarried. Her second husband moved into our home, which was an old fieldstone structure, and he built a wine cellar in the basement (fieldstone keeps temps cool for wine storage) and wine become a part of many of our meals and weekends watching Sunday football. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I suppose my growing up with wine as a “food group” was somewhat European and has given me my love for the fruit of the vine.

How did/does your family treat drinking?

It’s an important part of every family gathering and a celebration. But the palate discrimination varies. My Dad likes “a bargain,” so my brother Ron and I know when we’re visiting Dad we better bring wine if we want drink anything decent. The guys like to kick off the festivities with martinis, while I like my bourbon on occasion – I prefer to stick with wine.

How do you approach alcohol in your every day life?

In addition to running a wine tasting company and writing about wine, I’m a competitive endurance athlete so cannot (nor would I want to) drink every day. I love wine, sake … OK, well-made bourbon and vodkas too … but I don’t consume every day. When I go out to dinner, wine’s (or sake with Asian) typically part of the meal. And, spirits every now and again. But I almost never open a bottle of wine alone at home or pour a drink. I most enjoy alcohol when I’m sharing it with a friend or boyfriend.

Have you ever had a phase in your life when you drank more or less?

I was a hardcore drinker in college, often drinking myself black and passing out. All of the energy I put into endurance racing later in life (think Adventure racing, Ironman, 6-day running races across South Africa’s Kalahari Desert) was put into drinking earlier in my life. After college and before going to business school, I scared the hell out of myself by getting wicked drunk and crashing my car on the Tappan Zee Bridge. It was a wake up call that pulled me out of my self-destructive ways and made me realize how lucky I was to be alive – and that I may have a problem. I initially took 6 months off drinking to clean out and do a check-in for what was going on emotionally and chemically. I went a year and half without touching alcohol and during that time discover endurance cycling. Finding happiness with cycling as a means to get my “ya-yas” out, my life blossomed and I ultimately realized that my hard-core drinking was emotional (not chemical) and I slowly incorporated alcohol back into my world – but for fun and enjoyment rather than abuse.

What’s your drink of choice? Why?

I just love wine! It’s part of my soul. Its such an alive thing that takes patience, artistry and a lot of help from Mother Nature to develop into something truly special.

What do you like most about drinking?

I love sharing drinks with friends, and absolutely love sharing a bottle of outstanding wine with friends who love wine as much as I do.

If you could be any drink, what would it be? Why?

I would be sassy, sexy Burgundy crafted by a brilliant winemaker from a tiny chateau in France.

Recently, I wrote a post about the origins of the Drinking Diaries for a new website, Better After 50. When the founder and editor asked me to write an essay about how the Drinking Diaries got started, it provoked me to think about the evolution of this blog and how it morphed from a seed of an idea into a gratifying partnership and a forthcoming book–due out in October 2012!

Here’s the piece that originally ran on Better After 50–a site worth checking out even if you’re not yet the big 5-0 (which I’m not, but will be in a few years…).

Cheers to Us–and the Drinking Diaries

by Caren Osten Gerszberg

Leah & Caren, Drinking Diaries co-editors

Do you really need to check your blackberry again?” I ask repeatedly.

“Any new sales you need to vet on Gilt today?” Leah retorts.

On any given day, sitting and working at my round kitchen table—our computers lined up side by side—these are the kinds of quips that pass between me and my co-editor, friend and neighbor. Minutes later, the bickering behind us, we giggle proudly over our triumphant reworking of a long, twisted phrase we’ve teamed up to unwind.

Together, since June 2008, Leah Odze Epstein and I have been co-editing a blog called the Drinking Diaries—a website covering anything and everything related to women and drinking. From celebration to revelation we like to say. A place where there is no judgment, where the stories we and other women share range from comical and celebratory to sexy and despairing. Where we offer news, profiles, research and opinions—all about women and their relationship with alcohol.

Drinking Diaries was conceived, sadly, as a result of my own mother’s drinking. Well into her sixties, my mother’s wine habit went from socially acceptable and culturally expected (she’s French) to deeply problematic. A child survivor of the Holocaust, my mother began using alcohol to numb her pain. I watched in fear and bewilderment as her dependence on alcohol—something I’d never before been faced with—accelerated with warp speed.

Leah, also the child of an alcoholic, whose mother has been sober for over 35 years, was the person I turned to. In my spiraling confusion, I would sit on Leah’s front porch, lamenting about my mother’s drinking which worsened when my father was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. Then, over a Friday night dinner with our husbands, Leah and I decided that there was no place for women to share their stories—the sad, happy and everything in between—of drinking and the effect it has on their lives. We would provide that place.

In an effort to discover who the readers—of the future book we hoped to publish—would be, we started the Drinking Diaries blog. We queried women authors to do Q&A interviews, and let out shrieks of jubilation when we got a “yes” from accomplished writers like Joyce Maynard, Jackie Mitchard and Julie Powell. They all had tales to contribute. We went to blogging conferences and writing workshops, asking women along the way to share their stories. Sex and drinking. Parenting and drinking. Work and drinking. Family and drinking. Culture and drinking. Health and drinking. Nearly three years later, it’s all there.

Somewhere along the way, Leah and I were deemed “experts” on the subject of women and drinking. We’ve been interviewed for radio shows and TV-news programs, and featured on various blogs. Recently, I was asked to write an article, “The Art of Mindful Drinking,” and do a related podcast for a national magazine.

Last March, our efforts continued to pay off. We got a book deal from Seal Press (Perseus) and the anthology of essays we are currently working on, Drinking Diaries: Women Serve their Stories Straight Up, will be published in Fall 2012. Our list of writers is impressive, but more importantly covers a fascinating array of experiences, ages, backgrounds, perspectives and cultures.

Both mothers of three children each, Leah and I start our twice-weekly work sessions with a catch-up walk through a beautiful Long Island Sound-lined park before returning to our office—my kitchen. Over mugs of tea and handfuls of almonds, we bicker like an old married couple over grammar, her blackberry addiction, and my roving attention toward shopping websites. Some stories make us laugh hysterically like two teenage girls. Others hit very close to home. And when we “score” an interview or get a response from a high-profile person we never expected to get, we high-five like football players.

When we’re not working together on the forthcoming anthology, we are working independently from home on new posts for the blog, which we update every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. We touch base via email and phone several times a day, basking in glory on a day when the blog has a high number of hits, and sharing frustration when a writer fails to turn in a piece that she swore was coming yesterday.

This journey has grown from seed on Leah’s porch, to stalk with our blog, to blossoming flower next Fall, when the book hits the shelves—both virtual and in bookstores. Leah and my partnership is a labor of love more than a business venture. The stories are there. We are just asking women to scratch the surface and let them out.