Consider the party: a high school coming-of-age ritual. Everyone has at least one story of triumph or humiliation.

When I was a teen, I have to admit I never once saw anyone’s parent at a party; never even saw a member of the parental species poke their head downstairs. Studious and fairly shy, I wasn’t the kind of kid who went to a lot of parties. Mostly, I hung out with my small group of friends in our houses, often in the basement. I didn’t drink, and when we hung out at each other’s houses, neither did my friends, but when we went to parties, my friends, and lots of others, often drank.

Question: Who supplied the booze?

Answer: A teen guardian angel? No one ever said.

I do remember one incident: my friend’s mom picked us up from a party. Her nice coat was draped over the back of her seat, and another friend—who had had too much to drink—vomited all over her coat. She wasn’t happy, but I don’t remember her storming into the party to ask who served alcohol to this boy, or pressing charges, or even telling my friend’s parents. I’m not making any value judgments here—this is simply what happened.

Flash forward to today’s slogans (“Parents Who Host Lose the Most”), today’s news. As a parent, I get chills: Dad and Stanford professor Bill Burnett and his wife, Cynthia, hosted a party for their son, a high school senior. About 40 kids came, and when the music got too loud, someone (probably a neighbor) called the police. The police determined that some of the kids were under the influence of alcohol, and arrested the father for contributing to a minor’s delinquency. He spent a night in jail, and now faces a year’s sentence and/or a high fine.

The scary part is that Burnett and his wife insist that they did not know there was alcohol in their house. They maintain that they took all the necessary precautions, including setting rules ahead of time, telling the neighbors there would be a party, and staying home to monitor the activity in the basement. Burnett went downstairs a few times with homemade chocolate chip cookies. He was heading downstairs with brownies when the police came.

Over the course of an interview, Matt Lauer asked the couple if there was anything they could have done differently. Mrs. Burnett said there was nothing else they could do, short of sitting in the middle of the party. You can say these parents are naive, but you can also say they were being generous by hosting a party they thought they could control.

So today’s parent has two options:

1)  Do not host parties under any circumstances, and then you stay safe.

2)  Host parties, and be willing to put yourself at risk.

My co-editor wrote about the precautions she took when she hosted a party for her teenage daughter. She stood at the door, literally stood and checked bags, and made the kids leave everything at the door. She made sure the basement entrance was locked, so they had to come back upstairs if they wanted to get out. Still, someone managed to sneak alcohol in.

Teens are getting more and more skilled at hiding booze, whether by consuming it before they get to a party, soaking gummy bears in it, or hiding it in coke cans, water bottles. You name it—they’ve thought of it.

It’s gotten to the point where I feel nervous at the prospect of teens hanging out at my house, even if it’s not a party. What if they sneak in alcohol, and someone drinks too much? How much trust is too much, and where’s the line between independence and supervision? Most of us have heard about teenagers’ brains, which are wired for risk-taking and novelty-seeking, so even the most trustworthy kid will take some risks.

So what’s the answer? Luckily, my children aren’t “there” yet, so I still have some time to think about how I’ll handle it if they ask permission to have a pack of friends hang out in the basement, or—gulp—if they want to have a party. I’ll probably say no to the party; yes to the friends hanging out.

What do you think: Should parties be banned, since alcohol usually finds its way in, or are we depriving our teens of a rite of passage?

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From time to time, we will post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you.

Gretchen Rubin is the author of  the “The Happiness Project,” a blog and about-to-be-published book which will be released on Dec. 29th.

Drinking Diaries: What do you think is the relationship between drinking and happiness?

Gretchen: A few years ago, I realized that for me, drinking didn’t bring happiness. I never had much tolerance for alcohol, and after two pregnancies, I was woozy after one glass of wine or beer. I’m not a cheerful, convivial person when drinking – I become belligerent, snarky, and mean. Over and over, after social events, I’d feel full of remorse about my conversations with people. Finally it dawned on me – stop drinking! Then you won’t feel guilty about the way you acted! It’s surprising that it took me so long to realize this – I never really much enjoyed drinking to begin with – but once I basically stopped drinking, I’ve been much happier. It just doesn’t sit well with me.

Also, I’m very calorie-conscious. I realized that I’d rather eat candy than drink booze.

Has drinking ever made you happy?

Not particularly.

Can you comment on the difference between temporary happiness/pleasures and long-term happiness?

This is one of the big challenges of happiness, of course. The things that make you happy in the short term and the things that make you happy in the long term are often quite different. Also, we’re not always very skilful at anticipating what will make us happy in the long term, even when we try to take it into account. But this is certainly true: practically everyone will be happier in the long term if they get more sleep and more exercise. So that’s a good place to start.

Why do you think people choose the short-term pleasures over the long term?

Because it’s more fun!

Can you envision a scenario where drinking could cause, or enhance, happiness?

I can see that for many people, obviously, drinking is a big source of enjoyment. I enjoy that vicariously. I wrote a biography of Winston Churchill, Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill, and one thing I loved about him was his zest for drinking. People disagree about how much he actually drank – some people say he drank a lot, others maintain that he made a big show of it, but didn’t actually drink much. But however much he drank, he really got a big kick out of it.

Have you ever had a bad drinking experience? What was that like?

I never had one terrible drinking experience – and in fact, I’ve never even had a hangover! Not even when I was in college, when I was drinking enough that a hangover was likely.

But for me, drinking just brings out my belligerent, indiscrete, attacking side. And it also makes me incredibly sleepy. So even if I’m celebrating with good friends, so my obnoxious side doesn’t come out, I have to cut the evening short to go to bed. So I’m happier in every way if I just skip drinking, or have just half a glass.

If you could be any drink, what would it be? Why?

Champagne – because it’s the drink most closely associated with happiness and celebration.

Gretchen’s essay, “Why I Stopped Drinking Alcohol (More or Less)” was posted on Drinking Diaries on July 1, 2009. The Happiness Project can be pre-ordered, and you can also read some sample chapters. Gretchen’s Twitter handle is @gretchenrubin.