by Ronna Benjamin

My friend Tammy had troubles, but it took me awhile to figure it out. She was a redhead who smoked menthols, loved music, dancing and beer.  Her father was a judge–a real one, but she herself was totally non-judgmental.

Tammy was the friend that held the ice to my ear Freshman year and then pierced a second hole in my left lobe, sterilizing the needle with the alcohol from our sloe gin fizzes.  She would drag me to frat parties,  grab a beer and start dancing, while I stood awkwardly in a corner complaining about the sticky floor.

I was one of the girls who left the party early, but Tammy always stayed and regaled us with great stories the next day. But as we got to be juniors and then seniors, the stories became increasingly uncomfortable to hear. There were times she slept with multiple men in one evening.  There were times when she blacked out.  There were times she woke up in places she did not want to be.

There was the time she came back to the dorm drunk at 3:00 am and burnt half her arm making popcorn.  There was the time she tearily told me she was pregnant, traces of gin on her breath, and pleaded with me to bring her to Planned Parenthood. I had driven halfway there the next day before she told me it wasn’t true–she wasn’t pregnant.  Never was.  It  was just her idea of a joke.  That almost ended our friendship, but I hung in there.

I knew there was something different about what happened when Tammy drank, but I wanted to be non judgmental too.  By day and on weeknights, Tammy was fine.  She studied, went to movies and plays, joined us for dinner, and did really well in her classes.  I thought once we graduated and she got a job, things would be different.  We were in college, after all.

In 1981, Tammy came to visit me at my apartment in Boston where I was in my first year of law school.  We went out on the town, but after a while, I wanted to go home.  She insisted I leave; told me she was having fun and would take a cab home.  Tammy got home safely in the early hours of the morning; but the next day she told me she had shared a bottle of vodka and slept with the cab driver.

And that is when I ended the friendship.

Telling Tammy that I thought she was an alcoholic was the hardest thing I ever did as a young woman, and amongst the hardest things that I have ever had to do.  I didn’t have the balls to tell her in person.  I called her from the safety of my bedroom, reading the words off a legal pad because I was so nervous. “Tammy, I think you have a problem with alcohol.  I think you are an alcoholic, and I cannot be friends with you until you get help.”  I described some of her behaviors that made me think so.  I described the hurt and worry she was causing me.  She said nothing, and hung up.

That was 32 years ago, and that was the last time I talked to Tammy, but it wasn’t the last time I thought about her.  As the years passed, I Googled her name.  Tammy was the first name I searched on Facebook.  One day, about a year ago, she “friended” me.  I barely recognized her picture, she had aged so. We had a brief FB exchange, but neither of us mentioned the alcohol.

A few months later, Tammy started a game with me on Words With Friends.  And I knew from those games that something wasn’t quite right.  She couldn’t get beyond 13 points.  She left spaces for triple words open.

I was waiting for Tammy to take her turn on Words With Friends when I read on Facebook that Tammy had died.  She was 53 and died “unexpectedly.”  I was not in her inner circle, so I don’t know the details of her death, and it was not my place to push. I was saddened, but to be honest, not shocked.

I had an alcoholic friend in college.  I told her the truth, abandoned her, and she died at 53.  I wonder now if I should have done something differently.

*This essay was originally published on Better After 50.com

From time to time, we will post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you.

Lesley Arfin is the author of the book, Dear Diary, based on a column she wrote for Vice Magazine. The former Editor-In-Chief of Missbehave magazine, Lesley has written columns for websites such as Street Carnage, Buzz Net, Thought Catalog, and Rookie. She penned the introduction to the 2010 interior design/photo book The Selby: In Your Place. She currently works as a writer on the HBO series Girls, the MTV series Awkward, and has also contributed to TV shows Portlandia and Girlhattan.

Drinking Diaries: How old were you when you had your first drink and what was it?

Lesley Arfin: My first drink without my parents watching was a bottle of whiskey that I chugged in the woods with a bunch of boys in the dead of winter. I was 12 and a half.

How did/does your family treat drinking?

Jews aren’t real big drinkers. They drink wine at dinner I guess but it’s not a big deal and no one is ever drunk. I doubt there’s ever beer or hard alcohol at my mom’s house.

How do you approach alcohol in your everyday life?

I have been sober for almost 8 years now so it’s not a part of my life really.

What’s your drink of choice? Why?

When I drank, I really loved whiskey. I loved whiskey and Coke; put whiskey in coffee, whatever. Beer made me tired and full, vodka tasted like rubbing alcohol, and wine made me talk to walls. Now my drink of choice–if I’m really going for a mocktail–is ginger ale with a splash of bitters and lemon. Usually I’m lazy about it and just get ice water or a Diet Coke. I’ll drink an O’Doul’s, too.

Can you tell us about the best time you ever had drinking?

I remember this one day in college, towards the end of the year. It was really nice out, and we were just sitting around being bored. It was maybe 2 pm and we thought, “Let’s get a keg!” This was something we never did because I was an art student, and “kegs” were only for parties and considered a bit pedestrian, maybe. We drank cheap whiskey and PBR and everything, but kegs of beer were not the norm. So anyway, we got this keg in the afternoon and we funneled and I’m sure someone did a keg stand or something, all of these college-like things that we had always been too arty or cool for or whatever. As we kept drinking, more and more people showed up and joined the fun. I just remember laughing so hard that day, so many people were doing funny things, it was one of those days that a million private jokes happen like, in a row, and everyone is just being awesome. No drama, no hysterics, no throwing bikes into windows. Just a real good drunk day.

What about the worst time?

I was in the Bahamas, my senior year of high school. We all went there for like a “senior trip.” I really liked this guy and we had hooked up one night, just kissed. I was really happy about it. I didn’t have sex with him because I think I was just kind of afraid, but the next night I was like, “tonight I am definitely gonna do it.” I guess he wasn’t really paying attention to me and it made me feel bad, so I kept drinking and drinking and I was only 18 and didn’t know about mixing different kinds of booze, like “beer before liquor, never get sicker,” or maybe like “don’t fucking drink red wine and then tequila and then smoke pot,” or maybe even “don’t ever drink Jaegermeister, ever.” Needless to say, I did not have sex with Jason Miller that night, or any night, ever again, for the rest of my life. I prefer blacking out to puking. However, that night, I managed to do both.

Do you have a favorite book, song, or movie about drinking?

There’s a song by The Magnetic Fields called “Love Is Like A Bottle Of Gin” and the lyrics are perfect. I also love the book by Augusten Burroughs, Dry. A lot of people have written books about drinking but his is my favorite. I love that book so much. My favorite movie about drinking is probably “When A Man Loves A Woman.” I just realized that everything I’ve listed here are all kind of bummers about drinking. Like they’re all about alcoholism. Sorry? I mean, I like “The Hangover,” too. “Superbad” is all about drinking, too! Yeah, “Superbad” is my favorite movie ever!

Why do, or don’t you, choose to drink?

To be honest if I had the choice, I would still drink. The problem with me is that booze turns me into such a freak show, it actually costs me my ability to choose. Well, I guess I do have a choice technically but it’s not “drink or don’t drink” it’s like “live or die.” When I drink, a switch goes off in my brain that is like “keep going at all costs and don’t stop,” and really that train leads to drugs rather than just more drinks, because I prefer drugs to drinking. I’ve tried to control it so many times and I just can’t. It’s hard to explain unless you have it yourself. Trying to control it turned out to be a much bigger pain in the ass and way more taxing on my psyche than anything else, so I just dropped it all together. Not drinking has been working out pretty well for me. It’s better, actually. If it wasn’t better I wouldn’t do it.

If you could be any drink, what would it be? Why?

Sloe Gin Fizz because it sounds cool, or Long Island Iced Tea because that just makes sense.

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Note: This interview originally appeared on the blog in May, 2010. 

Some friends recently told me to go see “SOMM,” a feature documentary that follows four sommeliers as they get ready to take the Master Sommelier exam—a test with one of the lowest pass rates in the world. According to The New York Times, the exam is so difficult that fewer than 200 people have passed since 1969.

On our blog, we’ve interviewed Jennifer Simonetti-Bryan, the fourth woman and among only 30 people in the U.S. to ever attain the international title of Master of Wine (MW), one of the highest standards of knowledge in the wine industry.

So it seems that lately, winemaking and wine smarts are trending, and even the celebs are getting into the wine game. It’s been a long time that Frances Ford Coppola has been making wine in Napa, but here’s a list of some actors, musicians, and athletes that are not just drinking it, but are also involved in making and selling it.

• Drew Barrymore at Barrymore Wines in Italy
• Adrian Grenier in Paso Robles, California
• Ramona Singer in Italy
• Antonio Banderas at Anta Banderas in Spain
• Nancy Pelosi at Zinfandel Lane Vineyard in St. Helena, California
• Olivia Newton-John at Koala Blue Wines in South Australia
• Dave Matthews at Blenheim Vineyards in Virginia
• Madonna at Ciccone Vineyard in Michigan
• Wayne Gretzky at No. 99 Estates Winery in Canada
• Fergie at Ferguson Crest at Santa Ynez Valley, California
• Joe Montana at Montagia Wines in Napa, California
• Andrea Bocelli in Italy
• Kurt Russell in California
• Sting in Italy

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When I’m not writing about drinking, I’m often writing about traveling. The daughter of two Europeans, I was taken along with my brother wherever our parents went–from France and Jamaica to Israel and Venezuela. I didn’t realize how lucky I was at the time, and as a result of all those journeys, I was bit by the travel bug at an early age. Experiencing different and foreign places, seeking adventures and exploring cultures are what I like to write about most.

At a recent adventure travel conference, I had the pleausre of spending time with a talented travel journalist and blogger, Ellen Barone, who invited me to do a Q+A for her blog about two of my favorite pastimes: drinking and traveling.

Of all the countries you’ve traveled to, who  are the heaviest drinkers and who are the lightest? 

The Brazilians love to party. I’m not sure if it has to do with the consumption of those potent, simultaneously sweet and tart Caipirinhas—touted everywhere as the Brazilian national cocktail—but after a couple, I had no trouble dancing the samba late into the night. The lightest would probably be in Israel. Israelis are not exactly known for their drinking prowess.

What’s your favorite country to drink in? 

While France first comes to mind, I’d have to say that Italy offers me a more diverse selection of drinks I like. An evening that begins with a glass of Prosecco, a Campari and soda, or a Negroni is bound to be a good one. I enjoy Italian wine, and then of course, what is better than a true Italian-made cappuccino?

If you’re a non-drinker, where’s the worst place to visit?

That’s a tough one. I can’t think of a place that I’ve been to where alcohol is not rooted in the culture—from Ouzo in Greece to Arak in Jordan. By the same token, many countries serve delicious, alcohol-free drinks with locally grown fruits. It’s easy to get hooked on passion-fruit smoothies in Thailand and on Chicha Morada (made with purple corn, fruit, cinnamon and cloves) in Peru.

Is there a travel story in your book, Drinking Diaries?

There is a wonderful essay in our book, “Veni, Vidi, Bibi (I Came, I Saw, I Drank”), which is essentially the writer’s quest to find information about an Italian peasant woman whose image adorns the bottle of a liquor called Amaro Lucano and who may be the author’s ancestor. The writer, Helene Stapinski, travels back to her family’s southern Italian town of Pisticci, to get answers. The way she describes her encounters with the locals—all of whom attempt to serve her Amaro Lucano—is very colorful.

To read the complete interview on Travel Updates by Ellen Barone, please click here.

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With the holidays fast approaching, we all have a lot on our minds.  Gift buying, family, travel, work, utter chaos.

Need a break but don’t want to dress up? Here’s a party you can all attend from the comfort of your couch–a Drinking Diaries Twitter party, sponsored by Mama Drama. This Wednesday, Nov 28 @ 9pm – 10pm (EST). All you have to do is log on to TweetChat.com and type in #DrinkingDiaries. Then you’ll enter the live, real-time chat.

Join us as we gather to talk about sipping, binging or abstaining this upcoming holiday.

We’ll talk about everything from your favorite drinks (alcoholic or non-alcoholic), your drinking contract (if you have one!), your drinking (or non-drinking) plans this holiday season, and your drinking style. Share stories about how drinking has touched your life (both positively and negatively).

In addition, we’ll be giving away copies of our book, Drinking Diaries every 10 minutes!

Plus, if you tweet your drinking story in 140 characters or less between now and the party, we will select the best one and give it a special prize!

Tweet you soon.

You can RSVP by clicking here.

Ever wonder how blogs get started, and what challenges bloggers face? The Women’s Book asked some probing questions about our blog, Drinking Diaries, for their “In Her Business” section. Here’s a taste:

Q. What were some significant challenges you faced developing the blog?

A lack of technological expertise made it hard to get the blog up and running smoothly—neither of us are techies. But the greater challenge was not knowing who our audience was. Were we writing for women like us, daughters of alcoholics who happen to enjoy drinking? People in recovery? Cocktail moms? Because of the uncertainty, we wanted to cover a wide range of topics that would appeal to readers who were all over the map in terms of their relationship to alcohol.

To read the rest of the Q & A, visit The Women’s Book.

There are so many amazing blogs out there, and we love sharing them with you. This week, Rachel Sarah is doing a giveaway of our book on her site, Single Mom Seeking. You have until December 1st to leave a comment for a chance to win. And Leah has guest posts up on two blogs this week. On Savvy Auntie (an ingenious blog for aunts!) she has a post called “In Praise of Wild Aunts,” and on Scary Mommy (a brutally honest and hilarious blog about motherhood), she asks: “Am I Driving My Kids to Drink? (Or Are They Driving Me?)”

by Nicole Gerszberg

Overstuffed tote bags and preppy, nautical attire are but two of the essentials necessary for one to make the trek from New York City to the Hamptons or Montauk on a Friday afternoon. Not to mention the traveler’s drink of choice—maybe a glass of chilled white wine or a can of beer—intended to ease him/her into the weekend early and make the journey of three plus hours a little more bearable.

A recent NY Times article titled “To the Hamptons, and Step on It!” compared the two most popular ways to get to this summer destination without getting behind the steering wheel (or having a chauffeur to do that for you).  The article recounts stories of various passengers who loyally hop aboard the Jitney, while others endure a sweaty Penn Station terminal and its even rowdier party en route to the Long Island shores. While many flock to the beaches and begin drinking upon their arrival, the party  begins earlier and is a part of the traveling experience for those aboard a Long Island Railroad train car or a more upscale Jitney bus, referred to as the Ambassador.

Those who choose to pay the extra bucks to take the Ambassador are provided with wine and snacks along with their luxury bus seating. Passengers are polite, orderly and often seen quietly reading the newspaper or toying with their iPads over sips of wine.

The train from Penn Station to Montauk is an entirely different scene. Even on early morning train rides out to the beach, riders fill every seat and get their drink on as soon as they leave the station. The ritual of getting the party started before hitting the beach is a highlight for many train travelers.

Crisp white wines and beach cocktails are an essential part of the Hamptons/Montauk experience for many.  But it seems that ride from city side to beachside has become the newest booze locale. As the summer nears to a close with August just around the corner, passengers will be sure to toast its finale—whether it’s sparkling wine in a Dixie cup overflowing onto the train floor or a plastic wine glass on board the Ambassador.

Nicole Gerszberg is a student at Wesleyan University. Her work has been published on “The Choice” blog on NYTimes.com

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When I was pregnant with each of my three children, I did not drink any alcohol during my first trimester. The first twelve weeks of the baby’s development were the most crucial I learned, and I wasn’t going to jeopardize that. But my doctor told me it was okay to drink a small amount of wine thereafter, so I gingerly sipped an occasional glass of wine without worry. I know that many people refuse to take even a sip of alcohol during those nine long months. But that wasn’t me. And it wasn’t one of the essayists in our forthcoming anthology, Drinking Diaries: Women Serve Their Stories Straight Up (Seal Press, Sept 2012), who wrote how her British obstetrician recognized the all-or-nothing American attitude and was quite comfortable with her patients drinking every once in a while.

Now, the pregnant women of the world who’d like to have a guilt-free, occasional glass of wine can perhaps do so (emphasis on perhaps). The results of a series of research studies from Denmark, published in the BJOG Journal, suggest that “low to moderate weekly drinking in early pregnancy  had no significant effect on neurodevelopment of children up to five years, nor did binge drinking.”

The study focused on children’s intelligence and found no differences in test performance between the children whose mothers consumed up to 8 drinks a week during pregnancy, compared to children whose mothers did not drink any alcohol. There was, however, one result that surfaced associating a lower attention span in five year old children whose mother drank more than 9 drinks per week. These children were also found to be at a risk nearly five times higher of having a low IQ compared to children of nondrinkers.

The research was drawn from 1,628 Danish women and their children–almost a third of all Danish women who were pregnant during the span of years from 1997 to 2003. The average age of the women was 31; fifty percent were first-time mothers; 12 percent were single; and 31 percent said they smoked during their pregnancy. In all of the studies, the researchers controlled for a variety of factors that may potentially affect a child’s brain development, such as maternal intelligence and smoking.

An important point to note–and highlighted in the journal article–is that a drink in these studies is defined by the the Danish National Board of Health and is equal to 12 grams of pure alcohol. The amount of alcohol in a drink can vary greatly from country to country, however, and in the United States there are 14 grams of pure alcohol in a standard drink. This is the equivalent of a 12-ounce beer, a 5-ounce glass of wine, or a 1.5 ounce shot of hard liquor, according to Rethinking Drinking, a website covering alcohol and health.

In a statement, the study’s authors said, “Our findings show that low to moderate drinking is not associated with adverse effects on the children aged 5. However, despite these findings, additional large scale studies should be undertaken to further investigate the possible effects.”

Though some women may feel relieved to learn about the latest study results, it is unlikely the new information will quell the controversy surrounding drinking during pregnancy, as many doctors continue to warn against potential disorders that the study may not have considered. “I would still caution women about drinking during their pregnancies,” Dr. Jennifer Wu, an obstetrician/gynecologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City, told HealthDay. “There may be subtle neurobehavioral changes that were not picked up in the study.”

“Although it’s still best for pregnant women to avoid alcohol, these results suggest that small amounts may not be a serious concern,” said HealthDay. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention still urge women not to drink at any time while pregnant, says Dr. Jacquelyn Betrand, who represents the CDC and served as co-author of three of the studies: “This study doesn’t change our recommendation.”

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Each week, we post short interviews with interesting people about their thoughts and feelings on women and drinking. There is such a wide array of perspectives about this topic, and we are excited to gain insight into as many as possible and to share them with you. 

Mary Campbell is founder of the Cocktail Party, based out of Atlanta, Georgia. The Cocktail Party is an anti-movement, a philosophical call for people to remember that politics need not stand at the center of our lives the way it so often does today. Members wish to drink excellent cocktails, but the core of the Cocktail Party’s anti-mission runs deeper. The Cocktail Party exists to recognize and celebrate a less instrumentalized existence, a break from the world’s constant pressure to turn every occasion into an opportunity for achievement, improvement or growth. Cocktail Party members share an appreciation for the great beauty the world has to offer and which is so often missed. This, of course, is often done over cocktails.

Drinking Diaries: How old were you when you had your first drink and what was it?

Mary Campbell: Despite coming from a family of professional drinkers who live in a town that has made binge drinking a competitive sport, I did not have my first drink until I was a junior in college. It was an amaretto sour. Shortly thereafter, I segued to Tanqueray and tonic.

How did/does your family treat drinking?

I grew up not thinking of alcohol as something that was “taboo.”  My parents often had wine with dinner, sometimes cocktails beforehand. They were very “European” in their relationship to drinking.

How do you approach alcohol in your every day life?

Cocktail hour–whether it involves actual cocktails or wine—is part of my daily ritual.  It is a signal that the workday has ended and the time to unwind and talk about the day’s events has begun.

If you have kids, how is the subject of drinking handled? Do you drink in front of them? With them?  

I have dogs and, yes, I do drink in front of them.  I used to have a cat who drank Manhattans out of martini glasses, so I think I have passed the love of cocktails on to my four-legged children.

Have you ever had a phase in your life when you drank more or less?

I tend to embrace the idea of steady moderation.  Over-drinking results in hangovers and behavior unbecoming of a proper young lady.

What’s your drink of choice? Why?  

How do I pick one?  I love wine.  It is likely what I drink the most–perhaps because I continue to read studies suggesting that moderate wine drinking is both good for the mind and body.  That said, I have a hard time turning down a well-made margarita.

Can you tell us about the best time you ever had drinking?  

No.

What about the worst time?

If I could remember it.

Has culture or religion influenced your drinking?

Culture, perhaps.  Southern Louisiana is a culture that emphasizes food and wine/liquor.  This was not lost on me. I did hear a story about Jesus turning water into wine, which I thought was pretty amazing, so perhaps religion has reinforced my love of the cocktail as well.

Do you have a favorite book, song, or movie about drinking?

I recently got the book, In the Land of Cocktails, written by Adelaide Martin and Lally Brennan of Commander’s Palace in New Orleans, which I have enjoyed thoroughly.  The stories are fabulous, and the recipes are wonderful.

What do you like most about drinking?

The ritual around it: the glasses, the accoutrements, the preparation. Having friends over for drinks and dinner is something I savor; those details set the stage for what I hope will ensue each time–great conversation.

If you could be any drink, what would it be? Why?

Probably a margarita.  Tequila has a reputation for being a little edgy and provocative.  Good tequila is perfect for sipping, like a cognac. Mediocre tequila can be mixed with lime juice and cointreau and transformed into something delicious.  Tequila can make the most out of any situation and, though it appears fun and lighthearted on the surface, has depth and complexity that not everyone can appreciate.

We all have all our moments/hours/days (years?) of feeling angry. Recently, I’ve made an effort to raise my irritation threshold, and have worked hard to not let a hard day or stressful event surrounding work, family, dogs, etc.–be an excuse for pouring myself a glass of wine. Sometimes it works, and I may take a walk to clear my head or venture to a quiet corner, close my eyes and meditate for 15 minutes or until the anger passes. But on the odd occasion, I’ll succumb to the booze instead, which after only a few sips has a way of taking the edge off ever so gently, burying the anger for a short period of time.

Research has proven a strong association between anger and drinking, and now, a recent study conducted by psychologists at the University of North Carolina, Wilmington, shows that anger and alcohol mix a little too easily for many women.

During the study, a group of 30 women were split into two groups. Researchers purposely irritated one of the groups by asking them to complete impossible puzzles while mocking them for their incompetence. Afterward, the women were asked to sample different kinds of ginger ale and beer in what they thought was an unrelated taste test. The results? The women who’d been angered drank nearly twice as much beer than their unruffled counterparts. Hmmmm. Wouldn’t you?

“Women are less likely than men to express their anger assertively, and suppressing that irritation results in built-up tension,” explains study author Nora Noel, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina. “Many women (and men) view alcohol as a way to help relieve that tension.” The problem is that turning to alcohol instead of finding healthy ways to express yourself doesn’t end well for anyone.

So what to do about it? Identifying that you have a tendency to drink when you’re pissed off is the first step, according to Dr. Noel. The next step is learning healthier ways to control your anger—or release it—to help curb a desire to turn to liquid ways of coping.

While meditation has been helpful for me, other ways to stave off the anger without reaching for the bottle are exercise, writing, and talking to a friend. “Expressing anger assertively means speaking up for yourself and letting others know when you’re uncomfortable,” says Dr. Noel. Venting to a friend is a proven way to help lower your levels of anger-fueled tension, she says.

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The news is good for those of us who enjoy a glass of wine, beer or a mixed drink a day. A new study of more than 80,000 women revealed that low to moderate alcohol consumption is associated with a 17% to 21% reduction in risk of stroke.

The new findings were published last week in Stroke, the online journal of the American Heart Association. For the study, researchers looked at data on nearly 84,000 women who were part of the Nurse’s Healthy Study, in which they had to provide information on their daily diets, lifestyle habits, and how much they drank. All of the women had no evidence of cancer and heart disease when the study started, and were enrolled in the study for 26 years.

Scientists have been questioning how alcohol affects the risk of stroke, given that moderate drinking appears to lower the risk of heart disease. It probably does that by boosting the production of HDL, the good cholesterol, and reducing the risk of blood clots.

During the study, scientists found 2,171 incidents of strokes, including ischemic strokes (when blood flow to the brain is obstructed), hemorrhagic strokes (where a brain blood vessel bursts), and strokes of unknown origin. They also found almost 30 percent of women reported that they never drank alcohol, 35 percent reported drank very little, 37 percent drank moderately, and only 11 percent of women reported drinking more than the equivalent of one mixed drink per day on average.

Women who drank low to moderate amounts of alcohol–from less than 1/2 a glass of wine per day to 1.5 glasses of wine, one serving of a mixed drink, or one beer –had a lower stroke risk than women who never drank. But heavy drinkers were no less likely to suffer a stroke.

Because there were so few heavy drinkers, this study doesn’t give a reliable picture of risk for women who drink heavily. But earlier studies have found that heavier drinking is linked to more strokes.

“At higher levels, [alcohol] can increase blood pressure,” Monik Jimenez, the epidemiologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital who led the study told NPR. Drinking a lot also can increase the risk of an irregular heartbeat called atrial fibrillation, which boosts the risk of stroke.

These results, while positive, are not an invitation to park yourself at the bar. In fact, Jimenez says, women who don’t drink can feel perfectly comfortable with that choice, because their risk of stroke is still relatively low. “We certainly don’t want to advocate initiation of alcohol consumption for those who are non-drinkers.”

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by Kate Rockland

I am the mother to a very boisterous 11-month old. Before giving birth to my son, I was pregnant one other time which ended in miscarriage. With that pregnancy, I followed all the rules: I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol, stopped getting the light brown highlights I favor, didn’t even use nail polish on my toes lest the chemicals seep into my skin. I used all-natural shampoo and conditioner, stopped jogging, and took up prenatal yoga. I took my prenatal vitamins religiously, and avoided all the reccomended foods such as tuna fish, unpasteurized cheeses, and sliced deli meat. I miscarried at thirteen weeks, and felt devastated. I’d followed every rule my midwife recommended, and still, tragedy struck.

When I got pregnant for the second time with my son, I started out by again following all the rules. But everything changed when I booked a trip with my husband to California. The area surrounding Sonoma is wine country, and I found myself staying in a very quirky b&b by the ocean in the small town of Carmel. I was seven months pregnant, and enchanted by all the local vineyards and small, independent labels I read on the bar menu in our lobby. The name of the bed and breakfast was the Cypress Inn, run by the actress Doris Day. One is allowed to bring one’s dog, and the lobby bar, which has an open patio section with pretty white lights strung in the trees, showcases several of the inn’s dogs, as well as big Great Danes resting on beds by the roaring outdoor fireplace. A surreal, eartheal and beautiful scene, set by the ocean.

I guiltily fingered the bar menu, as my husband smiled at me. There was a quote by Humphrey Bogart on the cover, which read: “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” My gaze lingered over a local 2009 Chardonnay from the Heller Estate, a vineyard which we would later visit down the road from the hotel. “Why don’t you order a glass?” my husband asked. “One glass of wine would be fine for the baby, I know women who drink one a day while pregnant!”

“I guess I’ll play a game of hide the belly under the table,” I answered sardonically when the waiter approached our table. I glanced furtively around, sure any moment someone from the Mom Police, aka our society in general would haul me away in handcuffs. My nervousness was unwarranted however, when I spotted a very famous and very pregnant actress three tables over. I gasped. She appeared to be drinking a glass of Pinot Noir, and looked relaxed and happy, laughing with friends. I’d just seen a movie she was in the week before we left on our trip. “Did you see?” I asked my husband. “I did!” he replied. Well. If a woman nominated for an Oscar could enjoy a glass of grape, so could I.

I just had the one glass of Chardonnay, but because it was one glass I enjoyed it more than I’d ever enjoyed wine before. Before the pregnancies, I was known to drink an entire bottle alone. This time, I learned to sip, and my one glass lasted the hour spent in that courtyard, trying not to ogle the actress. I tried a different glass from a different local vineyard each night of our vacation, and it turned out to be one of my favorite trips ever taken in my lifetime. After dealing with the heartache of miscarriage, I realized that I had to stop beating myself up. I’d followed all the rules doctors ask of pregnant women, and ended up without a baby. Part of me feels asking pregnant women not to drink a sip of wine throughout their entire nine months is another way of controlling women, which is what our society likes to do. There is definitely a very scary term called fetal alcohol syndrome, but I don’t believe one glass of wine enjoyed from time to time with dinner results in that sad diagnosis. I think my own miscarriage happened because not every pregnancy is meant to be, and I have to accept that we are human and therefore part of nature.

My son was born on a whip-cold night last winter, and he came out perfectly healthy at 7 pounds, 4 ounces. I’d never seen such a beautiful baby in my life. I hope our society eases up a little on the restraints for pregnant women, and that my fellow sisters no longer feel they have to play “hide the bump under the table” while out enjoying themselves at a restaurant or neighborhood bar. There’s always people who overdo it and I don’t condone that. But a nice, full-bodied glass of Chardonnay after a day filled with backaches, sore breasts, and bloated feet? That surely, we deserve.

Kate Rockland is the author of  150 Pounds, and Falling Is Like This. Kate lives in Hoboken, NJ with her husband, son, and cat, Elizabeth Taylor. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times. She weighs 150 pounds.

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Okay, I’ll admit it: I watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and I love it. I know it’s de rigueur to call reality TV a “guilty pleasure” and feel ashamed for not reading back issues of The New Yorker instead, but it’s actually gotten me thinking about drinking.

Here are some of my thoughts:

The Show Accurately Reflects Our Booze-Soaked Culture: Just as drinking has played a central role in all cultures since the beginning of time, so alcohol is an unacknowledged main character in the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Watch any scene of the ladies staying in or going out, and chardonnay, margaritas or some other kind of booze is most likely involved. Listen to their grateful sighs as someone hands them a glass.

The Beverly Hills Housewives, C’est Moi: It’s easy for me to watch the show and shake my head or roll my eyes, thinking, Thank God I’m nothing like these women. But underneath the boob jobs, botox and Mean Girl smiles, these women are just as vulnerable and damaged as everyone else. Watch for the human moments, like Kyle’s strained relationship with her troubled sister, Kim. She alternates between wanting to protect Kim and wanting to wring her neck.  When Kyle spots Kim walking into the opening of Lisa’s latest restaurant after they’ve had a monstrous fight, she summons the waiter, jokes about “needing a drink” and gives a sly wink. But we all know she’s serious. Many women have troubled relationships with family members, and just like many of us, Kyle sometimes uses alcohol to cope with the stress.

Drinking is Like Russian roulette: Thrilling for many, potentially deadly for some. When it comes to drinking, life’s not fair. Some women, like Kyle Richards, can keep up with the best of ‘em, participating in seemingly endless alcohol-soaked “Girls’ Night Outs” without many repercussions. Others, like her sister, Kim, take a bullet when they drink. There’s no use bemoaning the fact that it’s unfair—that’s just the way it is.

There But For the Grace of God Go We All: It’s easy to judge Kim more harshly than the rest of the women—as an out-of-control, weepy mess. But why? They all drink, and sometimes when they do, they behave in strange ways (see Brandi Glanville’s bizarre, loopy behavior on the way to Hawaii, and Taylor Armstrong’s drunken weeping fits). Kim just happens to have a body/mind chemistry not suited to holding her liquor (and whatever else she might have been on).

Drinking Can be a Great Force for Bonding: I’ll admit it: sometimes, when I watch the women sitting around one of their houses, clinking glasses, I wish I were sitting right there with them. Why? Because it reminds me of the ritual fun of Girl’s Night Out, of times when a bottle of wine loosens lips and creates a comfortable space for sharing and/or hilarity. Can you picture the show without the booze? Can you imagine the women, some of them near-strangers at the beginning of the season—opening up to each other as quickly as they do, stirring up so much drama—without the booze?

When It Comes to Addiction, The Show Is a Litmus Test: At times, when I’m watching the show, there’s a voice in my head that nags, Why can’t Kim just quit? Can’t she see how irrational she’s being? How bizarre? How much her behavior (her chronic lateness, for one) is driving everyone crazy? I find myself getting mad at her for her selfishness, her weakness. That’s when I remember why it’s hard for me to have compassion: Like Kyle, I, too, have lived at the effect of addicts. Both my mother and sister have struggled with addiction. I, too, have felt a mixture of anger, pity, guilt and love. I know what it feels like to want to help but not be able to. So when I empathize with Kyle and disparage Kim in my mind, I know that I need to reboot and remind myself of that thing called compassion. It’s a struggle for us children of alcoholics. I have to remind myself that Kim doesn’t want to be “like that.” Her addiction has taken over, and she’s powerless. At the same time, I find myself talking to Kyle when she’s on the screen, saying, “Give yourself a time out. You don’t have to be the fall guy. You have to live your own life, too.”

The show reflects many of the contradictions that we embrace on our Drinking Diaries blog. We live in a drinking world, and there’s got to be a way for drinkers and non-drinkers to peacefully co-exist, to understand each other and be respectful.

On the last episode of this season, as I watched Lisa, Adrienne, Kyle, Camille and even a battle-scarred Taylor gathering for yet another round of champagne, clinking glasses in yet another toast, I found myself worrying about Kim. A sidebar comment revealed that she went to rehab, and all I could think was: How will she re-enter this group, with all the drinking? Will she be able to resist the temptation? Will they adopt different behaviors around her? Will Kyle feel too guilty to drink around her?

Even though the Real Housewives takes place in the surreal world of Beverly Hills, these are issues many of us will face, no matter where we live.

Rumors are going around that Kim won’t return for the next season because she’ll be too fragile, too vulnerable. But perhaps that’s where her real story starts. When she comes back from rehab, if she manages to stay sober, Kim Richards, the butt of many a joke and stolen glance—may turn the tables on everyone. She may actually end up being the sanest housewife of them all—a role model for others who are struggling to stay sober in a sodden land.

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Recently, I wrote a post about the origins of the Drinking Diaries for a new website, Better After 50. When the founder and editor asked me to write an essay about how the Drinking Diaries got started, it provoked me to think about the evolution of this blog and how it morphed from a seed of an idea into a gratifying partnership and a forthcoming book–due out in October 2012!

Here’s the piece that originally ran on Better After 50–a site worth checking out even if you’re not yet the big 5-0 (which I’m not, but will be in a few years…).

Cheers to Us–and the Drinking Diaries

by Caren Osten Gerszberg

Leah & Caren, Drinking Diaries co-editors

Do you really need to check your blackberry again?” I ask repeatedly.

“Any new sales you need to vet on Gilt today?” Leah retorts.

On any given day, sitting and working at my round kitchen table—our computers lined up side by side—these are the kinds of quips that pass between me and my co-editor, friend and neighbor. Minutes later, the bickering behind us, we giggle proudly over our triumphant reworking of a long, twisted phrase we’ve teamed up to unwind.

Together, since June 2008, Leah Odze Epstein and I have been co-editing a blog called the Drinking Diaries—a website covering anything and everything related to women and drinking. From celebration to revelation we like to say. A place where there is no judgment, where the stories we and other women share range from comical and celebratory to sexy and despairing. Where we offer news, profiles, research and opinions—all about women and their relationship with alcohol.

Drinking Diaries was conceived, sadly, as a result of my own mother’s drinking. Well into her sixties, my mother’s wine habit went from socially acceptable and culturally expected (she’s French) to deeply problematic. A child survivor of the Holocaust, my mother began using alcohol to numb her pain. I watched in fear and bewilderment as her dependence on alcohol—something I’d never before been faced with—accelerated with warp speed.

Leah, also the child of an alcoholic, whose mother has been sober for over 35 years, was the person I turned to. In my spiraling confusion, I would sit on Leah’s front porch, lamenting about my mother’s drinking which worsened when my father was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. Then, over a Friday night dinner with our husbands, Leah and I decided that there was no place for women to share their stories—the sad, happy and everything in between—of drinking and the effect it has on their lives. We would provide that place.

In an effort to discover who the readers—of the future book we hoped to publish—would be, we started the Drinking Diaries blog. We queried women authors to do Q&A interviews, and let out shrieks of jubilation when we got a “yes” from accomplished writers like Joyce Maynard, Jackie Mitchard and Julie Powell. They all had tales to contribute. We went to blogging conferences and writing workshops, asking women along the way to share their stories. Sex and drinking. Parenting and drinking. Work and drinking. Family and drinking. Culture and drinking. Health and drinking. Nearly three years later, it’s all there.

Somewhere along the way, Leah and I were deemed “experts” on the subject of women and drinking. We’ve been interviewed for radio shows and TV-news programs, and featured on various blogs. Recently, I was asked to write an article, “The Art of Mindful Drinking,” and do a related podcast for a national magazine.

Last March, our efforts continued to pay off. We got a book deal from Seal Press (Perseus) and the anthology of essays we are currently working on, Drinking Diaries: Women Serve their Stories Straight Up, will be published in Fall 2012. Our list of writers is impressive, but more importantly covers a fascinating array of experiences, ages, backgrounds, perspectives and cultures.

Both mothers of three children each, Leah and I start our twice-weekly work sessions with a catch-up walk through a beautiful Long Island Sound-lined park before returning to our office—my kitchen. Over mugs of tea and handfuls of almonds, we bicker like an old married couple over grammar, her blackberry addiction, and my roving attention toward shopping websites. Some stories make us laugh hysterically like two teenage girls. Others hit very close to home. And when we “score” an interview or get a response from a high-profile person we never expected to get, we high-five like football players.

When we’re not working together on the forthcoming anthology, we are working independently from home on new posts for the blog, which we update every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. We touch base via email and phone several times a day, basking in glory on a day when the blog has a high number of hits, and sharing frustration when a writer fails to turn in a piece that she swore was coming yesterday.

This journey has grown from seed on Leah’s porch, to stalk with our blog, to blossoming flower next Fall, when the book hits the shelves—both virtual and in bookstores. Leah and my partnership is a labor of love more than a business venture. The stories are there. We are just asking women to scratch the surface and let them out.

Not sure about you, but I’ve been frisked going into concerts and football stadiums and it’s not fun. Why would anyone sneak booze in when you can buy it inside, right?

Well, it seems that enough people would to demand a new sort of product on the market–an alternative route for women–and it’s called the WineRack.

This is no joke–the website selling the WineRack ($30) boasts that that “the advantages are obvious.” It is actually a black sports bra (fits sizes 34C-D, 36A-D and 38A-C) that lets you carryup to 750ml (equal to the contents of one bottle of wine, or 25 oz.) of any beverage. The bra sports a polyurethane  bladder and a drinking tube long enough to route as you wish, along with an easy-to-use on/off valve to control the flow.

The big question: If the frisker feels the tube, what will she ask you to do–spill out its contents or remove your bra?

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